Things People Say In Pubs


I work in a pub. Who would have guessed by the title of this post hey? As with working in any hospitality trade, you have to deal with customers. Some are good, some are bad, and it's all part of the territory. I wouldn't change it for the world, but some people do say some things that get right up my nose. I'm always nice and polite to customers, but these are the super sarcastic thoughts that run through my head a lot in response to some of the things customers often say...

"Can I have a wine?"
Do you want to go into any specifics on that like red, white or rosé? Or am I a bartender/psychic now?

Me: "Hey, how're you?" Customer: "Can I have..."
Yeah, that's fine, I'm not a human being, just a server of drinks. Don't be polite and at least say "hello" or anything!

"I want to order food but there are no more tables..."
...and you expect me to do what about it? I can't just magic up some tables out of thin air for you. I'm sorry there's none available, but be serious, what am I supposed to do?

Me: "Would you like the small fish and chips or the main one?" Customer: "I'll have the regular size"
I just told you what sizes we have available...there are no "regular" sizes, they're all regular!

12AM on a Friday Night: "Can I have a coffee?"

Me: "How was your food" Customer: "It was really bad....just kidding, it was great"
So you just made me slightly panic for no reason other than your own amusement, how is that even funny? It's a genuine concern about how your food is just in case you do want to make a complaint.

"Can I have a <insert drink we don't have>?"
Did you not think to look before you ordered? Do you know why you shouldn't assume?

"That's a bit expensive"
I just press the buttons and tell you the price, mate!

Two customers arguing over who's paying
Can ONE of you just please give me some money so I can get on with other stuff that needs to be done!

Have you ever been on the receiving end of any of these?

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