Working On Myself

09:00


I've been thinking a lot recently about how I don't have any goals of things I want to achieve - maybe I'm not entirely sure what it is that I want to do with my life, but sometimes I think I put my lack of goals on a pedestal and give it too much time in my head. Some people a hell of a lot older than me still don't know what they want to do with their lives, and do you know what? It doesn't matter. 
Life if a journey, not a race.

I've decided that instead of scouring my mind constantly, trying to figure out what it is that I want to do, I should just work on myself first. I know that inspiration will strike when it's supposed to strike in it's own perfect timing, and you can't rush what's meant to be. If my mind isn't in the right place and if I'm not content with myself, then anything that I hypothetically pursue will, again, fizzle out before it's started.

So, here's 3 goals that I have come up with to work on myself:

1. Reflect
Recently I've been getting back into journaling in a big way. Every day I've been trying to write 10 gratitudes in the morning, 5 wins of the day in the evening, a list of affirmations twice a day and journaling my thoughts and feelings when I feel it's necessary. The other day, I got really fed up with everything and literally wrote 4 pages of how I was feeling and what was on my mind, and honestly, it was one of the most therapeutic and best things I'd done in a while. 

I want to reflect more on my life; what's good, what's bad, how I'm feeling, what's going through my head, my doubts, fears, excitement and joy. I want to find out what makes me tick, and if it can help my mental health too in the process then that's a bonus. This will be a daily activity to help me focus and realign myself.

2. Prioritise myself
I've spent too much time in the past caring too much about what other people think of me, how I come across to other people, and just apologising too much so that people wouldn't hate me. I rely on constant attention and validation to make myself feel good, when I should be finding that in myself - the like-to-be-liked complex. In this vain, I want to prioritise myself in every way, whether it be physical or mental - I need to do more things that I enjoy, learn to say no, take time for myself, look after my body, and just generally learn to not care what people think of me.

3. Blog my experiences
Whilst I've been trying to focus on myself a lot more I've never stopped thinking about the want to blog, and if you can't stop thinking about it, then maybe you should start putting your thoughts into action. I thought what better way to continue with my blogging than to document my experiences working on myself - it gives me a space to look back on how far I've come and share the ups and downs of my journey.

Initially when I was thinking about doing this, I had some doubts in my head, but instead of dwelling on them, I came up with 10 positives to doing this for myself and for the blogging community:

▸ I love helping others, and if it can help at least one person, I'll be happy
▸ People can follow my journey of self discovery as they go along with theirs
▸ It's relatable 
▸ It'll encourage me to carry on and practise what I preach
▸ It'll improved my well being and mental health 
▸ It's vulnerable
▸ It's what I feel the urge to do
▸ I'm passionate about personal development
▸ I'm passionate about helping people live their best lives
▸ I'm a big cheerleader for other peoples successes

I want to implement these things into my life for the rest of 2018 at least, and then we'll see where we're at then. I want to end this year on a positive note, and I don't want to just wait for 2019 to start making new goals. I want to start NOW. It's never too late to start working on yourself.

What's Meant To Be Will Find A Way

18:00


"What's meant to be will find a way" 
This is a quote that I've always had trouble getting my head around, don't get me wrong, I understand what it means, but I just can't action it into my life. I like to be in control of everything, and I have trouble realising sometimes that I can't control everything around me.

Sometimes I like to write lists of everything that is bothering me and cross out the things that I physically can't control. With these things that I have absolutely NO control over whatsoever, I'm learning to try and let them go and to stop worrying about them; does so and so like me, what do they think of me, do they think I'm annoying? When you have anxiety this is especially hard, but I've found that writing down all my thoughts and feelings on paper in a stream of consciousness is very therapeutic when it comes to clearing your head.

I normally chase after the answers to these questions if I feel I'm out of control, but this isn't the way.

This morning, I wrote down all my worries, but I followed it by writing that I will be leaving all of this with the Universe and that if it's meant to be it will be, and if it's not then that's okay too. I just need to get on with things now, focus on myself, and remember that what's meant to be will find a way.


Manifest and Leave Behind

18:00


I wanted to start my month off strong and put into place my end of year plans with some intentional journalling. I feel like there is no real definition to "intentional journalling" (I've tried searching), but I see it as a way of finding yourself through self-reflective writing - asking yourself the nitty-gritty questions that you're almost afraid to answer, being true to your feelings, and just getting everything out from your head onto paper. 

Coincidentally, this morning my friend Shelby screenshotted me a picture of an intentional journalling exercise for the start of the month and it was PERFECT. 

You get two pieces of paper - on one, you write down everything you'd like to leave behind; any bad habits, negativity, distractions or things that cause you pain. Burn this piece of paper. On the second, you write everything you want to manifest; for yourself, loved ones, things you want to make room for, things you want to improve. Store this piece of paper in a safe place.

I'm going to be completely open and candid in my blogs so I will share what I wrote on both bits of paper with you for inspiration:

LEAVE BEHIND
🌑Constantly checking my phone
🌑Needing Validation from other people
🌑Worrying about boys
🌑Not focusing on myself
🌑Scrolling social media aimlessly
🌑Negative self-talk
🌑Sitting around doing nothing
🌑Sleeping in late
🌑Not doing anything
🌑Caring what others think
🌑Waiting by the phone
🌑Not being confident in my decisions
🌑Not taking enough time for myself
🌑Being Lazy

MANIFEST
🌕Motivation
🌕Drive
🌕Purpose
🌕Passion
🌕Confidence
🌕Earlier starts
🌕Doing things I enjoy
🌕Reading
🌕Blogging
🌕Positivity/mindset work
🌕Productivity
🌕Self-care
🌕Being content
🌕Success
🌕Cleanliness
🌕Meditation
🌕Gratitudes
🌕Drink more water
🌕More love less hate
🌕Compassion
🌕Focus

One of my biggest problems is letting go of my problems and trusting that the universe will work everything out for me. I always get caught up in my own head and my own thoughts trying to figure things out (thanks, anxiety). However, this exercise has been massively refreshing for me, and I'm trying to put more trust in myself and the universe - it's not going to be easy, but I've got to start to process somewhere.