My work life over the past few months has been stressful to say the least, and I'm not gonna lie, I've struggled mentally and physically because of it. Luckily, I was able to squeeze in a holiday around my birthday in February, but I know that I can't always book a holiday to get away from stressful situations, as much as I wish I could. 

I've really had to up my mindset game because of everything that's gone on, and I'll tell you now, it hasn't been easy. I've questioned my choice of career, I've questioned my choice of workplace, I've considered walking out on shift, and I've had multiple mini breakdowns of tears whilst at work. It's been bloody hard to put it lightly, but I'm still alive, still breathing, and it's the little pieces of happiness that I need to hold onto in times like this.

Whenever I've been getting into stressful situations, I've turned to journaling - writing about the positives of my situation. So when I start to have doubts, I write reasons why I absolutely love working in a pub: 

❣️ I love the banter and the chats with the regular customers.

❣️ I love working with my friends, as working with people you love really makes all the difference.

❣️ I love knowing that I've made someones special day (birthday/anniversary/etc) memorable.

❣️ I love the fact that I work a social job because I enjoy meeting with new people.

❣️ I love that I often get to have half days as well as days off where I can get other stuff done.

❣️ I love when customers say a joke that I haven't heard before.

❣️ I love the fact that my job is never the same each day.

❣️ I love that I work an active job. 

❣️ I love that I get free food and drink occasionally.

❣️ I love McDonald's runs after work when we've had a stressful day.

❣️ I love discounts on food and drink.

❣️ I love that I'm good at what I do.

❣️ I love that I can use work as an escapism of sorts, as I enjoy what I do.

❣️ I love getting tips.

❣️ I love the fact that our pub is dog friendly.

❣️ I love polite children.

❣️ I love seeing happy customers.

On the contrary, I've also gotten into the habit of getting everything out of my head and into my journal no matter how negative it is - I'd rather rant everything out onto paper and get it out there, than have it stuck in my head all day clogging up the space that I need for my positive energy. 

I can remember the exact moment that my mindset did a complete 180 with regards to work, though. I was sat in Starbucks on my day off just checking my phone, starting to think about writing a blog post, when I received a message from my colleague:

"Are you able to cover my shift tonight? I'm throwing up!" 

My heart sunk. 

This was my first day off in a while, and although I'd already made plans to go out later on that day with my Dad, I felt obligated to say yes, and guilty that I actually said no. Then it hit me; on all of my days off I'm always subconsciously waiting for a message asking me to cover someone, I'm always waiting for something to go wrong, or for someone to message me asking me what I did to make xyz happen.

I went to my car and cried. I didn't cry because I was sad about being messaged, I cried because I was upset about how work was making me feel.

With everything that's going on at work at the moment I'm still half waiting for a load of texts to come my way but I've learnt how to handle it in my head, and I've learnt how to say no. I'm learning how to not feel guilty about it still, but I need rest too and it's not my responsibility to cover everyone - I HAVE to say no sometimes as I can't be expected by anyone to be there all day every day - I'm not super human!

I still often worry on my days off, but I'm learning each day to take things slow and to try and distance myself from that worry. I'm now able to easily identify when it's work that's making me feel like shit so I can accept that it's happened and purposely step away from the thoughts so I can put my energy and feelings elsewhere. It's going to be a long and slow process but I'll get there eventually..