Social media detox - a week on

18:00


It's been over a week now since I deleted social media, and guess what? I don't miss it.

I genuinely thought that not having Facebook would drive me crazy, but the absolute honest truth of the matter is that I don't really feel anything at all. It's made me realise that social media is just...well...there! I just don't have any real emotion for or against social media, which shows that it's our own fault we get so distracted by it each day.

I don't feel as though deleting social media has made me any more productive though, unfortunately. I've gone from scrolling Facebook and Instagram every 10 minutes, to switching from Messenger to WhatsApp every 10 minutes instead, to see if anyone new has messaged me - the answer is more often than not, no! Even without Facebook, I'm distracted by the fear of missing out, the fear that nobody likes me enough to message, and the fear that I've removed myself from every day life. This is a fear that has happened because of social media, but, has been created by our own choice. 

I'd go as far as to say that in this day and age, social media has become a real addiction for some people. 

We get gratification from our notifications and the number of messages we receive, so when we hardly have any communication with anybody we start to feel bad about ourselves. I'm a big believer that social media is what has caused some of my mental health issues - constantly needing validation in the form of a ringtone, a like or a comment. I know it's not fully to blame though, there is always an element of choice in everything that we do, as hard as it is. 

Facebook is built to be addictive, it's built to make you come back, it knows exactly what it's doing, and it does it well. Credit to the creators, really.

I've begun limiting the amount of time that I'm on my phone now as well, I'm starting to leave my phone in another room when there's something that I need to be doing. It's sad, but I sometimes I feel like I've lost a limb when I don't have my phone on me, but I know deep down that I work so much better when I don't have that little contraption of distraction on me.

I keep saying that social media and being on your phone is a choice, and it is, but after so many years of being so reliant on it, it's not easy to just put down. It's a deeply ingrained habit in so many of us, and I, for one, want to get out of the habit and into my life.

I'm still on my road to learning

13:45


A few years ago, I went through a phase of reading every personal development book under the sun - I absolutely love the idea of bettering myself and I would plow through these books like there was no tomorrow. However, upon reflection of this time, I now realise that I was just reading them, I wasn't absorbing or even using any of the information to my advantage. I thought I was bettering myself, but I never actioned any of the ideas, I just read them and moved on.

I've started reading these books again in the past few weeks, but I've been taking my time with it; reading a chapter each day and writing a page full of notes to really absorb the information to use at some point in the future. I've also started watching a lot of videos and listening to a lot of podcasts on the law of attraction and manifestation which I've found massively interesting, to implement into my life. 

I've been obsessed with learning about manifestation, that I've decided to try a couple of methods:

MEDITATING
I've always been a BIG advocate for Headspace, the meditation app, but in the past few days I've started to do some unguided meditations by myself. I've just sat cross-legged on my bed, closed my eyes, taken a few deep breaths and just sat in silence letting my mind do what it wants to do. I do start off with some of the exercises Headspace has taught me in my head, but I've been trying to think of things that I want to happen to me in the future. I create scenarios in my head that I am willing to happen in the future; I must not contradict myself or let any negative thought slip into my mind. If my mind wanders, that's okay, I just bring it back by focussing on my breath and start again.

WRITING SCENARIOS
This is something that I did for the first time last night - I wrote down a scenario of what I wanted to happen in my life, included how I would feel, and an honest reaction to how it would go down. This may seem like I'm writing a fan-fiction of my own life, but I wanted to try and see if this type of manifestation did anything for me.

Right now, I don't particularly want to start blogging about the best way to manifest, how to attract x and y into your life, or how to raise your vibrations, simply because I don't know enough yet - I'm still on my road to learning. I want to share with you what I'm trying, my experiences with it, how it's affecting me, and what impact it's had on my life. I'm still a complete beginner in this field, but I thought I would document my findings and let you what worked for me, what didn't, how things have changed, and what I'm trying next.

Learning life's lessons is not about making your life perfect, but about seeing life as it was meant to be
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Mindset Shifts

13:48


As I've mentioned in my previous post about dealing with stresses at work, there's been a lot of shit happening in my workplace. It's taken me a while, but I think I've finally learned how to deal with it and how to let go.

Towards the end of last year was when it all started and I most definitely did not deal with it well to begin with - I would cry, I was massively negative at work as well as at home, and I just generally couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Funnily enough, I was still journaling my feelings out at this point in time, but my frame of mind was so dire that I may as well have been shouting into a void for the amount of use it had.

I almost stopped caring at one point when it dawned on me that I shouldn't stop caring, but I should stop worrying. I'm a very conscientious worker, and I strive to do a good job no matter what, and for things to be falling apart in front of my eyes made me feel useless - why couldn't I fix what was happening? I couldn't fix it because it was out of my control! Why and how can I worry about something that is completely out of my hands. 

I started to let go.
I started to put myself first and focus on my own wellbeing. 
I did all this because dragging myself down for something that is completely out of my control is destructive.

I'm not gonna lie and say that my journal is now a source of wholesome positivity, because that's bullshit at it's finest. I still rant and rave in there about what's worrying me and making me feel like crap, but I now have the mindset that once it's written down, I should at least try and let it go and move on.

There was a point in my life where I would always see the silver lining of everything, and I feel like I'm starting to get back to that place - I'm taking myself out of negative situations, removing myself from negative people when I can, and not succumbing to letting that be my vibe.

Positive attracts positive the same way that negative attracts negative. If you keep telling yourself that things will never get better, then they won't, but if you tell yourself and believe that you can do great things, then by god will you do great things. Recently, I've been telling myself, and others, that I feel so much better mentally than I did a few months ago, and each and every day that goes past that I say it, I feel better than the day before. I'm not saying that I'm immune to having down days, because that's absolutely natural, but it's how you deal with those days that defines you as a person.

I'm excited to grow on this journey and I'm so grateful to have this little slice of the internet to share it all with.

Deleting Social Media

16:34


It's been absolutely chucking it down with rain all day, and this afternoon I really wanted to get out, so my Mum and I went for a quick lunch. Our meals arrived, and mine looked super pretty that I knew I just had to take a photograph, and then I realised something. I deactivated my Facebook account earlier on in the day and deleted the Instagram app from my phone, so I had absolutely nowhere to post this picture of my food!

Now, I know this is the epitome of every millennial's first world struggles, but it really got me thinking. 

Why do we need to take share a photo of something to prove that we did it? I always used to joke with my friends and say, "If you don't take a photo of your food, did you really eat it?, but you can really take this into any element of life though. Whether that's the obligatory airport check in, the "look who I bumped into" selfie with that friend you haven't seen in a long time, or even making your relationship status "Facebook official". 

Does anyone really care though? I know I don't, reaaaally. Think about it this way; when you're scrolling through your socials, do you really take the time to properly read through someones status before liking it, for example? Most people, including me, just skim through their feed liking things here and there and often only liking things to get the attention of other people.

Why? What's happened to real life communication? Have we lost the ability to socialise in person? 

Social media has changed SO much in recent years and we've grown to become almost dependant on it - it gives us instant gratification. We hear the ding of a notification or a message, and even if we're busy with a group of people we have to know what's going on, and I for one, will have this nagging voice in the back of my mind willing me to check, when I know deep down I should be present with the company I am with.

I deleted the Facebook and Instagram apps off my phone yesterday - the Instagram one was easy, but I knew Facebook would be a much tougher challenge. After doing this, I picked up on the fact that I kept going to check my Facebook, only to realise that it had gone, and I'll admit, I'm still repeating this even now. I have this habit of "quickly" checking Facebook when I've got a spare moment, and it's going to be hard to get out of the habit because of how deeply ingrained it is. This morning, after not checking my Facebook at all last night on a web browser, I went to see if anything had changed.

I had ONE notification!

It made me realise that nothing actually happens between each check of my socials...okay...nothing might be an exaggeration but barely anything of any worth happens anyways, you know what I mean! With this in mind I just made the decision to deactivate my Facebook. I'm not saying that it's going to be a permanent thing, but I'm going to try a week to start off with. I want to learn how to be more disciplined with my consumption of social media and consequently learn how to be more productive in other areas and see how I get on.

Dealing with stress at work

11:54


My work life over the past few months has been stressful to say the least, and I'm not gonna lie, I've struggled mentally and physically because of it. Luckily, I was able to squeeze in a holiday around my birthday in February, but I know that I can't always book a holiday to get away from stressful situations, as much as I wish I could. 

I've really had to up my mindset game because of everything that's gone on, and I'll tell you now, it hasn't been easy. I've questioned my choice of career, I've questioned my choice of workplace, I've considered walking out on shift, and I've had multiple mini breakdowns of tears whilst at work. It's been bloody hard to put it lightly, but I'm still alive, still breathing, and it's the little pieces of happiness that I need to hold onto in times like this.

Whenever I've been getting into stressful situations, I've turned to journaling - writing about the positives of my situation. So when I start to have doubts, I write reasons why I absolutely love working in a pub: 

❣️ I love the banter and the chats with the regular customers.
❣️ I love working with my friends, as working with people you love really makes all the difference.
❣️ I love knowing that I've made someones special day (birthday/anniversary/etc) memorable.
❣️ I love the fact that I work a social job because I enjoy meeting with new people.
❣️ I love that I often get to have half days as well as days off where I can get other stuff done.
❣️ I love when customers say a joke that I haven't heard before.
❣️ I love the fact that my job is never the same each day.
❣️ I love that I work an active job. 
❣️ I love that I get free food and drink occasionally.
❣️ I love McDonald's runs after work when we've had a stressful day.
❣️ I love discounts on food and drink.
❣️ I love that I'm good at what I do.
❣️ I love that I can use work as an escapism of sorts, as I enjoy what I do.
❣️ I love getting tips.
❣️ I love the fact that our pub is dog friendly.
❣️ I love polite children.
❣️ I love seeing happy customers.

On the contrary, I've also gotten into the habit of getting everything out of my head and into my journal no matter how negative it is - I'd rather rant everything out onto paper and get it out there, than have it stuck in my head all day clogging up the space that I need for my positive energy. 

I can remember the exact moment that my mindset did a complete 180 with regards to work, though. I was sat in Starbucks on my day off just checking my phone, starting to think about writing a blog post, when I received a message from my colleague:

"Are you able to cover my shift tonight? I'm throwing up!" 
My heart sunk. 

This was my first day off in a while, and although I'd already made plans to go out later on that day with my Dad, I felt obligated to say yes, and guilty that I actually said no. Then it hit me; on all of my days off I'm always subconsciously waiting for a message asking me to cover someone, I'm always waiting for something to go wrong, or for someone to message me asking me what I did to make xyz happen.

I went to my car and cried. I didn't cry because I was sad about being messaged, I cried because I was upset about how work was making me feel.

With everything that's going on at work at the moment I'm still half waiting for a load of texts to come my way but I've learnt how to handle it in my head, and I've learnt how to say no. I'm learning how to not feel guilty about it still, but I need rest too and it's not my responsibility to cover everyone - I HAVE to say no sometimes as I can't be expected by anyone to be there all day every day - I'm not super human!

I still often worry on my days off, but I'm learning each day to take things slow and to try and distance myself from that worry. I'm now able to easily identify when it's work that's making me feel like shit so I can accept that it's happened and purposely step away from the thoughts so I can put my energy and feelings elsewhere. It's going to be a long and slow process but I'll get there eventually..

Validating Yourself

18:00


YOUR SELF WORTH ISN'T DEFINED BY SOMEBODY ELSE! 
Let's say that a little bit louder for the people at the back.

This is something that I need to drum into my head a little more too, to be honest. I'm a people pleaser, I like to be praised by someone else, I like people to appreciate, and tell me that they appreciate my worth. I work my best when someone tells me I'm doing a good job, or tells me that they think I'm capable of doing this, that and the other - it makes me feel good. Why can't I feel this way by myself though? Why do I need somebody else in my life to validate me? Why can't I validate myself?

I should be doing things off my own back, I should be doing things because I want to do it, not because other people think I'll be good at it. I should be writing my own destiny, doing things that I love and am passionate about out of pure drive for my own success. I need to learn to be happy by myself, and I need to learn to love myself.

I spend a stupidly large amount of time thinking about whether x, y or z likes me, why they haven't text me back, or why they never make the effort with me that I do with them. I spend all this time in lingering thoughts over these things that I just quite simply can't control, when I should be spending my time more pro-actively pursuing my dreams - this is why, 9 times out of 10, I get massively distracted. 

I care more about what other people think of me than what I'm actually doing with my life because I have it in my head that these people being in my life is what will make me happy. Sure, they're great people, and I enjoy having these friends in my life, but they're getting on with their lives, so why shouldn't I get on with my life too. I'm not saying that these people have perfect lives and they don't have their own problems and insecurities, but those are things they need to deal with the same way that I need to deal with my own ones too. 

I'm starting to learn how to focus on what I'm doing and to follow my dreams. It's a process, and my dreams right now might adapt and change, but I'll never find that out if I just stay where I am in this destructive whirlpool of self-pity and anxious thoughts. It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing, saying, achieving, or even thinking; none of it affects you, and none of it is anything that you can change. The only thing that you can change is yourself; what you're doing, saying, achieving and thinking. Stop worrying about things that you can't control, and start worrying about yourself and your own well being, make yourself your number one priority and start doing everything that you want to do.