The SAD Diaries | #2

21:24

The SAD diaries is a documentation of my experiences, feelings and thoughts in combating season affective disorder (SAD). 
For previous posts, click here.

So I'm updating you pretty soon after my first post in this series because I've felt a massive shift even after a few days, and I just want to share how excited I am to be feeling this way.

The shift in attitude I've had over the past few days has been HUGE. It's like feeling down and depressed has given me the motivation I need to start doing the things I've been wanting to do for such a long time - it's given me a reason to start. I know I should have found the motivation in myself, but you know what? How I got here doesn't matter, as long as I'm feeling this way now. 

I've actually started doing, I've started pressing forward on my action plans instead of thinking about them over and over in my head. Perfectionism is part of my anxiety, and I'm starting to finally start to realise that there is no perfect time to do anything, there is no perfect way to do anything, and that you actually have to just start before you can think of improving. How can you improve on something that you don't know how good you are at? 

I'm not saying that my anxiety has stopped completely due to this attitude shift, but it's definitely calmed down a lot, and I've found myself completely forgetting the things that I was previously worrying about. I feel as though I'm in a better place already and I'm only at the beginning of my journey. The difficult part is going to be pushing through the tough times when eventually I'll have a down day. I'm not saying this to be negative, I'm saying this to be real, because let's be honest, absolutely nobody is 100% happy and positive all the time - we all go through down days. It's how you deal with those down days that makes all the difference; am I going to break down and give up, or am I going to realise that it's just one day, pick myself up and carry on because I've been doing amazingly?

Previously, I mentioned that I wanted to implement exercise into my routine and I am extremely proud to say that I've been running for a week straight so far. This is a MASSIVE deal to someone who only normally does one day of exercise and gives up until the next year. I've been getting into the habit of waking up, putting on my exercise clothes and just going out - it's got to the stage now, where I don't want to let myself down by missing a day and, to be honest, I look forward to getting outside and moving my body now. 

The third day was the real test for me because on the previous night, I only got to sleep around 3AM and I had work at 12PM. My head was telling me to get a bit more sleep, that it wouldn't matter if I missed one day, but my body just kept on waking me up to the point that I just took control, got out of bed and went out for my run. I made a conscious decision that day to go out despite not wanting to, and it made me feel all the better for conquering something that would have previously made me sleep as long as I could. That run actually made me feel amazing and was definitely the wake up I needed that day.

Over the past couple of days, I've been using the Headspace meditation app on my runs which has helped me become more mindful when I'm out. Andy Puddicombe (the voice behind Headspace) is joined by Chris Bennett (Nike Running's global head coach) where they guides you through your running experience with encouragement, tips, and the realisation that you don't need to push yourself to exhaustion to have a good run. Headspace is meditation orientated, but I would class the running exercises on the app to be more of a mindful guidance than a meditation. It's a healthy alternative to just listening to some upbeat tunes on your headphones but I'll try and go into this in more detail in another blog post when I've had a bit more experience with it.

I'm so happy with how far I've come in only a few days that it just makes me even more excited to carry on and see what I can accomplish for myself and my mental and physical health.

The SAD Diaries | #1

15:01


Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is something that I've struggled with for the past few years. Admittedly, I've never been officially diagnosed by a doctor, but I get these depressive episodes when the clocks go back, the days become shorter, and we don't get as much light in the day.

According to the NHS website the symptoms of sad include:

▸  A persistent low mood
▸  A loss of pleasure or interest in normal everyday activities
▸  Irritability
▸  Feelings of despair, guilt and worthlessness
▸  Feeling lethargic (lacking in energy) and sleepy during the day
▸  Sleeping for longer than normal and finding it hard to get up in the morning
▸  Craving carbohydrates and gaining weight

Normally, these feelings come out of nowhere for me as I generally always forget that I feel like this every year, for some reason. However, this year I knew it was coming but I just didn't know when it was going to start.

I only noticed it after the fact, but over the past couple of days on my days off from work I have been laying in the same position on the sofa all day; scrolling the same feeds, attempting to read, playing phone games, watching Netflix, and occasionally napping. I just had absolutely zero motivation to do anything or even to get up out of my position on the sofa; my whole body felt lethargic despite getting more than enough sleep. I barely wanted to exert energy to eat, let alone do anything remotely productive, and I was more than happy to sit in my own misery for the entire day and label it a "self-care day" when it was anything but one of those. 

Now I know that I'm in a SAD rut, I'm going to do everything in my power to combat it and nip it in the bud. I have a tendency to research and research the hell out of my problems but never end up actioning anything into my life, so this time I'm going to just start. 

I'm going to document my findings, what I've tried, and how I'm feeling. I'm going to start off with exercise - this is something that I've been wanting to implement into my life for quite a while now, but like most things, it's just been a thought in my head that never came to fruition because I didn't have the motivation. My motivation, my "why" for doing all of this is to help myself feel better, to not feel sorry for myself everyday, and to beat this depressive season, so I now have a reason to get ot of bed in the morning which is something that I've previously never had.

Let's be honest here, I've never stuck at any sort of exercise for more than about 2 days before I gave up or can't be bothered anymore - I'll do it tomorrow, was a common catchphrase of mine, but of course, tomorrow never comes. I'm keeping myself accountable by posting daily pictures of my runs on Facebook and by documenting my SAD journey here on my blog and I want this to be something that I actually do stick to.

I know I say this a lot but as much as I want to nip SAD in the bud, I also want to end 2018 the way that I want 2019 to start, and that is gonna begin with creating some good habits and breaking some bad ones. 

I'll check in with you again, soon.

Controlling Your Reactions

13:08


When something bad happens to me, the natural thing to do is to be immediately negative. A reaction like this can ruin an entire day for me; I could have had the best day ever, but as soon as one tiny bad things happen my whole day comes spiralling downwards. 

Was it a bad day? Or was it a bad 5 minutes, that you milked all day?

I've been trying to get back into a positive mindset in this regard; one where I focus on the positive, or realise that I'm over dramatising a situation that isn't actually that bad. Oftentimes, I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and when I talk to certain friends about it they help me realise that. I'm trying to get into the habit of not making any rash, in the moment decisions that are mainly caused by my anxiety brain, but instead being calm and rationally thinking about the situation and how I'm reacting to it.

Your problem isn't the problem, your reaction is the problem.

They say that life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it, and I'm trying to control my thoughts in this way. The more time I give to my negative thoughts, the more it affects my day and my well being. Recently, whenever I've felt negative about a situation, I've written out every single one of my feelings in my journal to vent, and I'll tell you what, it's been the best habit that I've started adopting.

As soon as I write everything out on paper I feel like a massive weight has been lifted, I feel a lot calmer, and I just generally find the exercise extremely therapeutic. I may not be talking to anyone, but just getting it out in the open is just what the doctor ordered. Sometimes writing everything out helps you realise what you're actually feeling. I used to not write out certain things in my journal that I was thinking deep down because if I fully admitted to them then it would mean that I actually believed in them, but when I did, it helped me deal with those situations better.

When I don't have the time to write things down in negative situation, instead, I've been taking a moment to think to myself and breathe:

▸ Can I change anything?
▸ What's a positive I can take away from this?
▸ Does it really matter?
▸ Are you going to let it ruin your day?

Sometimes it's hard to just let it go, but you just have to try and release it from your mind and carry on. It's going to be natural for your mind to wander back to those negative thoughts, but be strong and keep going back to those questions if needs be.

The Time I Forgot My Phone

21:03


I went on a long overdue friend date this afternoon, when disaster struck. When our food arrived, oh my gosh it looked so pretty that I had to take a picture - I started to rummage around in my bag for my phone and...it wasn't there!

*Cue the mini panic attack*

I knew I'd left it in the car, so the first thought my anxiety brain told me was that my car was going to get broken into and my phone was going to get stolen - I just couldn't shift that image from my head. The next thought was that I didn't have my phone; the object that doesn't leave my side, the photo taker of the pretty foods, my security. My friend actually suggested that we go back to the car to check that it was there, but I dismissed that with my final thought that was one from the rational side of my brain that puts things into perspective - this is a chance to fully immerse myself in what I'm doing without my phone distracting me. I also realised that the anxiety side of me was just over dramatising the situation, and the likelihood of my phone being stolen was quite slim in a multi-storey car park.

This was the mini phone detox that I've been wanting to do, but have been too scared to fully do. It just happened unexpectedly, which was probably the best way, as it forced me into it without me having to convince myself to do it. 

Don't get me wrong it was definitely hard, I kept going to get my phone and then realising it wasn't there - to take a photo, to check the time, to check if I was popular. I love how we validate ourselves over how many people message us in a day, when in the grand scheme of things, who actually cares? The hardest time was when my friend went to the toilet, what do you do when you're alone in a  public place without a phone? You just appreciate where you are, what you've got, enjoy the surroundings, and even people watch a little, maybe.

I'll tell you what though, the one time when I didn't have my phone, was the time that every single one of my three courses looked absolutely amazing, but you know what? Who cares? I'm always the one that jokingly says "If you didn't take a picture of your food, did you really eat it?" but I can definitely appreciate something without having photographic evidence that it happened, and so can you. 

Luckily, my phone was in the car as I anticipated, and no, nobody had broken in to steal it - bad anxiety brain creating over dramatic scenarios in my head. I had 3 messages when I checked my Whatsapp, but I think I was more worried about my phone being stolen more than how many people had messaged me by that point to be honest. 

It was wonderful to not have to worry about anything apart from where I was, who I was with and what I was eating. Pardon the pun, but it's definitely food for thought when it comes to future endeavours with friends, and I'm going to try a phone or social media detox at some point in the future too. Could you and do you go without your phone sometimes?

Working On Myself

09:00


I've been thinking a lot recently about how I don't have any goals of things I want to achieve - maybe I'm not entirely sure what it is that I want to do with my life, but sometimes I think I put my lack of goals on a pedestal and give it too much time in my head. Some people a hell of a lot older than me still don't know what they want to do with their lives, and do you know what? It doesn't matter. 
Life if a journey, not a race.

I've decided that instead of scouring my mind constantly, trying to figure out what it is that I want to do, I should just work on myself first. I know that inspiration will strike when it's supposed to strike in it's own perfect timing, and you can't rush what's meant to be. If my mind isn't in the right place and if I'm not content with myself, then anything that I hypothetically pursue will, again, fizzle out before it's started.

So, here's 3 goals that I have come up with to work on myself:

1. Reflect
Recently I've been getting back into journaling in a big way. Every day I've been trying to write 10 gratitudes in the morning, 5 wins of the day in the evening, a list of affirmations twice a day and journaling my thoughts and feelings when I feel it's necessary. The other day, I got really fed up with everything and literally wrote 4 pages of how I was feeling and what was on my mind, and honestly, it was one of the most therapeutic and best things I'd done in a while. 

I want to reflect more on my life; what's good, what's bad, how I'm feeling, what's going through my head, my doubts, fears, excitement and joy. I want to find out what makes me tick, and if it can help my mental health too in the process then that's a bonus. This will be a daily activity to help me focus and realign myself.

2. Prioritise myself
I've spent too much time in the past caring too much about what other people think of me, how I come across to other people, and just apologising too much so that people wouldn't hate me. I rely on constant attention and validation to make myself feel good, when I should be finding that in myself - the like-to-be-liked complex. In this vain, I want to prioritise myself in every way, whether it be physical or mental - I need to do more things that I enjoy, learn to say no, take time for myself, look after my body, and just generally learn to not care what people think of me.

3. Blog my experiences
Whilst I've been trying to focus on myself a lot more I've never stopped thinking about the want to blog, and if you can't stop thinking about it, then maybe you should start putting your thoughts into action. I thought what better way to continue with my blogging than to document my experiences working on myself - it gives me a space to look back on how far I've come and share the ups and downs of my journey.

Initially when I was thinking about doing this, I had some doubts in my head, but instead of dwelling on them, I came up with 10 positives to doing this for myself and for the blogging community:

▸ I love helping others, and if it can help at least one person, I'll be happy
▸ People can follow my journey of self discovery as they go along with theirs
▸ It's relatable 
▸ It'll encourage me to carry on and practise what I preach
▸ It'll improved my well being and mental health 
▸ It's vulnerable
▸ It's what I feel the urge to do
▸ I'm passionate about personal development
▸ I'm passionate about helping people live their best lives
▸ I'm a big cheerleader for other peoples successes

I want to implement these things into my life for the rest of 2018 at least, and then we'll see where we're at then. I want to end this year on a positive note, and I don't want to just wait for 2019 to start making new goals. I want to start NOW. It's never too late to start working on yourself.

What's Meant To Be Will Find A Way

18:00


"What's meant to be will find a way" 
This is a quote that I've always had trouble getting my head around, don't get me wrong, I understand what it means, but I just can't action it into my life. I like to be in control of everything, and I have trouble realising sometimes that I can't control everything around me.

Sometimes I like to write lists of everything that is bothering me and cross out the things that I physically can't control. With these things that I have absolutely NO control over whatsoever, I'm learning to try and let them go and to stop worrying about them; does so and so like me, what do they think of me, do they think I'm annoying? When you have anxiety this is especially hard, but I've found that writing down all my thoughts and feelings on paper in a stream of consciousness is very therapeutic when it comes to clearing your head.

I normally chase after the answers to these questions if I feel I'm out of control, but this isn't the way.

This morning, I wrote down all my worries, but I followed it by writing that I will be leaving all of this with the Universe and that if it's meant to be it will be, and if it's not then that's okay too. I just need to get on with things now, focus on myself, and remember that what's meant to be will find a way.


Manifest and Leave Behind

18:00


I wanted to start my month off strong and put into place my end of year plans with some intentional journalling. I feel like there is no real definition to "intentional journalling" (I've tried searching), but I see it as a way of finding yourself through self-reflective writing - asking yourself the nitty-gritty questions that you're almost afraid to answer, being true to your feelings, and just getting everything out from your head onto paper. 

Coincidentally, this morning my friend Shelby screenshotted me a picture of an intentional journalling exercise for the start of the month and it was PERFECT. 

You get two pieces of paper - on one, you write down everything you'd like to leave behind; any bad habits, negativity, distractions or things that cause you pain. Burn this piece of paper. On the second, you write everything you want to manifest; for yourself, loved ones, things you want to make room for, things you want to improve. Store this piece of paper in a safe place.

I'm going to be completely open and candid in my blogs so I will share what I wrote on both bits of paper with you for inspiration:

LEAVE BEHIND
🌑Constantly checking my phone
🌑Needing Validation from other people
🌑Worrying about boys
🌑Not focusing on myself
🌑Scrolling social media aimlessly
🌑Negative self-talk
🌑Sitting around doing nothing
🌑Sleeping in late
🌑Not doing anything
🌑Caring what others think
🌑Waiting by the phone
🌑Not being confident in my decisions
🌑Not taking enough time for myself
🌑Being Lazy

MANIFEST
🌕Motivation
🌕Drive
🌕Purpose
🌕Passion
🌕Confidence
🌕Earlier starts
🌕Doing things I enjoy
🌕Reading
🌕Blogging
🌕Positivity/mindset work
🌕Productivity
🌕Self-care
🌕Being content
🌕Success
🌕Cleanliness
🌕Meditation
🌕Gratitudes
🌕Drink more water
🌕More love less hate
🌕Compassion
🌕Focus

One of my biggest problems is letting go of my problems and trusting that the universe will work everything out for me. I always get caught up in my own head and my own thoughts trying to figure things out (thanks, anxiety). However, this exercise has been massively refreshing for me, and I'm trying to put more trust in myself and the universe - it's not going to be easy, but I've got to start to process somewhere.


End Of Year Manifesto 2018

19:44



I'm a big believer that you can change at any point, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with trying to reinvent yourself on a regular basis. 

This list is as vague to you as it is to me; I could spend a long time debating and deciding on the best way of actioning this list but that, like the last previous times, would be a massive waste of time. I'm taking a different approach this time. I'm not going to plan everything to a tee, I'm not going to try and figure out how everything's going to work out before I've even begun. I've had a planners complex in the past, and this level of planning and perfectionism, I've learnt, is what essentially brings me down. 

These are the words and phrases that I want to implement into my life, some are more obvious than others, and the less obvious ones I'm sure I'll figure out along the way.

Gratitude
Meditation
Read
Exercise
Blog
Mindset
Mindfulness
Self Care
Positivity
Personal Development
Take more pictures (not selfies)
Be more creative
Uplifting
Empowering
Wake up earlier
Don't stay up too late (especially days when I finish work late)
Make the most of days off
Prioritise myself
Find contentment on my own
Don't look for validation

Reflecting On The Positives

11:42


Let's focus in on the positives today. Let's look back over the past few months, and instead of reflecting on how awful I've been feeling, let's take a glimpse at what's made me happy, what's made me smile and what's brought a positive energy into my life:

‣ Moving out and moving away
After months of contemplating it, and putting it to the side, I finally did it, and it feels amazing to be independent again after moving back in with my parents when I came back from travelling. I've moved to a completely different area of the country (there's even a different accent here) and just feel it was the change that I needed.

‣ Fitting in at work
One of my biggest fears is going to a new workplace and just not getting on with anyone and not enjoying it. Well, I can safely say that I am absolutely loving my new job (even after 3 months) and love all of my colleagues to death. We're like a little family and I've honestly never felt so welcome coming into a new job as I have here. I'll admit that sometimes I prefer being at work to being at home just because I have so much fun in what I do.

‣ My parents moving closer
This one seems to be a bit contradictory, but my parents have moved 5 minutes away from where I now live and I honestly couldn't be happier. In a place where I've felt a little bit lonely as of late, it's always a big thing to have a friendly face to turn to when things get tough. Don't get me wrong, and I've been asked this plenty of times, I'm not moving back in with them anytime soon, but it's just nice to have family close by.

‣ Travelling 
I've done a lot of travelling over the past few months whether it was across the globe to Canada, across the channel to France or just up the motorway to Bolton. A lot of my travelling revolves around rugby, but I use that almost as an excuse to see and experience new places.

‣ Living close to a 24 hour McDonalds
This one is definitely out of character for me, but I've been absolutely loving the ease of McDonald's recently. Midnight Macca's runs are an enjoyable outing for me now (especially with a friend) as it's just nice to chill out and chat. I also love choosing what I want from the big ordering touchscreen...I don't really know why, but why deny me the small pleasures in life.

‣ Doing an apprenticeship
I'm doing an apprenticeship through my workplace, and although I'm not happy about having to write an essay of 5000 words, it's giving me something to focus on. I've been trying to dedicate an hour a day to studying, and although I'm not an academic person by any means, it's been nice to get away from my thoughts and really hone in on learning something new. 

‣ Day out at Ferry Meadows
Ferry Meadows is a big park near where I live with tons of different trails to walk down. It's such a beautiful place, and it was such an enjoyable venture to go there by myself and just be with my own thoughts. I was able to meditate and do a bit of journaling when I was there, so I very much treated it like a self-care day being amongst nature by myself. 

Recently, I've found myself focusing on all the negative things that have happened to me, and completely forgetting the things that made me happy, made me smile or brought me joy. I need to get back into the habit of putting a positive thought with every negative one. Reminding myself of some of the good in the past few months has really helped me put things into perspective, it's been extremely therapeutic. 

Getting Back On Track

21:47


So yeah, I guess it's been a while. I'm not gonna lie though, these last few months have been the worst I've experienced in a long time - my mental health took a massive turn for the worst and I just ended up forgetting who I was: I forgot how to love myself, I forgot how to enjoy my own company, and I forgot what it felt like to enjoy doing something that I love.

I'll admit, it doesn't help that I moved to a brand new part of the country by myself at the end of May, and although it's definitely a positive thing, it became quite lonely when it finally dawned on me that I was quite literally by myself in a place where everyone knew each other from school or from just generally living there. Speaking with a colleague who went through the same thing, I know that I'm not alone in my thinking, but sometimes it's hard to think about things logically when you're not in a great place mentally.

Social media has been a welcome distraction but has also added another layer to my problems; a ridiculous addiction that has probably amplified my anxiety issues rather than quelled them. I would find myself day in day out repetitively scrolling, refreshing, checking who's online, checking who hasn't responded to my messages and therefore getting myself worked up over things that just don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I was forgetting to live, and consequently wasn't living - I was living a life consisting of the four walls of my bedroom and my thoughts; I wasn't allowing myself to enjoy anything as I was too consumed by everything "wrong" with my life and the vices of social media.

I've drafted the post for now because in hindsight of this whole situation it was quite ironic, but the last post before my unplanned hiatus was about how I wanted to change my life in a year (a la #tryingchange). I'm still very much behind this, but right now I'm in the process of getting my mental health back on track, and that's my main priority for the time being.

Right now I'm focussing on 5 things that I'm trying to implement daily:
‣ Gratitude
‣ Journaling
‣ Mood tracking
‣ Meditation
‣ Doing something that I enjoy

I plan to elaborate on these things in future blog posts, but I'm going to take things slow, figure myself out, and bring you along on the journey with me.


What On My Desk?

18:00

Since moving, I've become pretty proud of my little desk/vanity table; I normally overcrowd desks with different products and tools that it just becomes messy, but I've managed to limit the things that are out to the products that I actually use.

I'm a simple kind of girl, I don't have much of a skincare routine as my skin has never needed it. In the past when I have tried to take advantage of skin care it has caused me more trouble than good, so I'm a big advocate for less is more. Then again, I've never had really bad skin so I can't really speak for the other side of the argument. I'm a splash-water-on-my-face kinda girl, sue me!


1. My tools: Here are my collection of makeup brushes, tweezers, nail files and scissors. The brushes in particular right now could probably do with a clean, but we'll get to that when we get to that.

2. Nivea Soft Moisturising Cream: This is one of the only moisturisers that doesn't dry out my skin, and funnily enough, I use it when my skin is feeling especially dry. It's an absolutely huge tub that I've only just started so it will definitely be lasting me a long time.

3. Lush 9-5 Cleansing Lotion: I absolutely hate walking past the lush store because it makes me feel sick, but I've always been mega curious about their products because everyone and their mum is always raving about them. This was one of the first products in their range that I bought (online may I add) and I absolutely love it - it's a cleansing lotion that I personally use to properly take off my makeup. I'll use a makeup wipe to start off with and then I use a cotton pad and a little bit of this lotion to go over my face. It's amazing and quite disgusting what's actually left over after you've supposedly already taken your makeup off. I'll be honest though, I only do this when I can be bothered - #relatable.

4. Tangle Teaser: Two disclaimers to start off with, 1. I was gonna edit out the hair that I forgot to take out of the brush before taking the picture, but then I thought fuck it, this is real life, and nobody's life is picture perfect. 2. Obviously, this is only a cheap version of the official tangle teaser, because your girl only really wants to pay £1 for one, let's be honest. Now, I've found that my hair tends to be a big lump of mess in general unless I reaaaally take the time to brush it. More often than not I just throw it up or let it be messy because I really dig that look. I do think the "tangle teaser" is a nice soft way of brushing your hair though.

5. Woolworths Select Daily Balance Moisturiser: Again, like with the Nivea Soft Moisturising Cream, this is one of the only products that I've loved using on my dry skin - this includes their cleanser as well which is in another cupboard in my room. Unfortunately for me though, I got it in Australia and it's not in production anymore either - my parents went on holiday there at the beginning of the year and found that out whilst trying to get me some more.

6. Sure Anti-Perspirant: I don't have a specific brand that I go for here, I just pick the cheapest at the time of purchase.

7. Asda Dry Shampoo: I've gone through a range of dry shampoos from cheap to expensive and I prefer the cheap ones. Batiste is a popular brand but it's pricier for a big bottle, (Are they bottles? Are they cans? Who can answer one of life's most confusing questions?) and I personally find that it makes my hair look white no matter how I use it. I can get a big bottle of the stuff real cheap in a supermarket own brand or other cheaper brands and I love them.

8. L'Oréal Kids Tangle Tamer: As I said before, my hair can get into a congealed mess (lovely) and a few months back I discovered an old bottle of kids tangle tamer than I used to use and I found basically the same thing when that ran out. My god, it's good, and it smells amazing! Why buy an expensive "adult" de-tangling lotion with outrageous prices when you can get the same thing for cheaper because it happens to say "kids" on the packaging - we've all got hair, so there's no difference, and if anything, it might even be a little safer and good for sensitivity.

9. Peach Perfume: I've actually got no idea why this is here to be fair, I use it every now and then, but I'm not a perfume person - it smells pretty good though.

10. Younique Setting Spray: This. Is. Life. I never used setting spray before this one but it lasts all day, and I use it for at least 3 different purposes: setting my makeup (obv), priming my face and wetting my beauty blender. You don't need much of the product at all and it's a huge bottle so it's gonna last you a long time - I probably use a little too much than is needed though, but that's my problem.

This is pretty much everything I use on an almost daily basis; as you can see I'm pretty low maintenance and can get ready in 5 or 10 minutes if needed. Ain't nobody getting me up 3 hours early just to get ready.

Have you used any of these products? What do you have out on your desk or vanity?

MAY 2018: Goals and Intentions

18:00

Thought you got rid of me for a little while, didn't you? Well, it's a brand new month and even though BEDA is over I've got a brand new set of goals and intentions to smash for May, and I plan on sticking to them.

















Let's talk about April to start off with: In April I moved away from home; this was something that I just kept putting off and putting off because I was scared of the change. I honestly don't understand (and nobody else did) why this was an issue, I moved away to the other side of the world for two years for goodness sake, but it definitely was an issue that I needed to overcome again. Suddenly one day I decided I just needed to leave, and if I didn't do it now I would be forever in this rut - so I left.

I became a lot more present in April; trying to focus on what I was doing on that day rather than dwelling on the past or thinking forward to the future. I became more blog orientated, more organised and tidy in my life (and my room), I started meditating every day to clear my mind (I'm currently on day 21), and I've got a better idea of how I want to progress. I haven't got everything figured out by a long shot, but I'm getting there.

In May I want to continue what I started in April as well as sharpening my focus on my goals and intentions. I have this habit of overstretching my goals, so I have limited myself to 5 in order to really focus on each and every one of them:

• Catch up on my reading goal: I'm trying not to focus on the numbers too much this year, but I know I have been slacking with my reading and I'm challenging myself to read for at least 30 minutes each day.
• Post a blog (at least) twice a week: It's not quite every day like in April, but I want to create more quality content on the regular.
• Stick to my daily habits: Meditation, reading, writing, gratitude and learning.
• Don't check my phone as often: I'm not saying I'm not gonna ever check my phone, I just want to cut down.
• Post a YouTube come back video: I've been away from YouTube for so long and I've missed it so much that I need to really make the effort to get back into it.

I feel as though my year only really started happening for me in April, so here's to May, and pushing forward ever nearer to our goals and dreams. What's one goal you've got for yourself this month?

BEDA Wrap Up

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It's the end of April, and therefore the end of blogging every day...well...almost every day because I missed yesterday, but you know what? I'm not as bothered as I thought I'd be. If I let missing one day affect my achievement for the whole month then that would just be ridiculous. I've done 29 blog posts in the whole of the month, and coming from someone who would sporadically post whenever I felt like it, that's a big deal. 

Coming up with new content every day is hard I tell you - I applaud all those fantastic bloggers that do it on the regular because it's something that I really couldn't do for a long period of time (a month was enough for me). However, on the flip side, when you do think of new ideas, it can often lead to more new ideas - it's like a cycle of ideas, that once you start you could potentially keep going for a long time. I know that sounds contradictory to what I initially said but let me explain. I've discovered over this past month that I'm very much a mood writer; I will only write what feels good to me at the time despite having a plethora of ideas listed down somewhere. I could have a million and one ideas and not want to write any of them at any given time, so that's where the content creation part became difficult.

I'll tell you something, my perfectionism was really tested to the limits this month as for the most part I wasn't 100% happy with everything I was putting out. Not that my content was rubbish, but I've got this little voice inside of my head that tells me things aren't good enough or aren't at the standard I want them to be. This voice is the biggest bullshitter ever, but it's still in the back of my mind, so for me to do a months worth of content just for the sake of content was a massive shift in mindset for me. I was creating to be creative, and to be quite honest, there's no such thing as perfect anyways - if I always strove for perfection in every single blog post then I probably wouldn't post much at all (hence the lack of posts pre-beda). It's helped me realise my potential if I just put myself out there and go for it. Get a post together, make it work, make it happen - you can only get better with practice, but you need to just start!

One massive thing in particular that I have discovered is a motivation and drive within myself. For the past few months, I've been on a massive downer and my anxiety was at an all-time high, this affected my motivation so much. Having this project to focus on gave me a purpose to get up in the morning, a purpose to get up early to smash out a blog post for the evening because I knew I wouldn't have time otherwise. All through the month of April, I was constantly thinking about my blog whether that be new ideas or planning my day around when I could get something written up - it pretty much became my life. 

Although I don't think I'll be writing daily posts any time soon, it has really sparked something within me to carry on - I know I can do this and I get so much enjoyment out of it. I've genuinely loved seeing my blog so full, and it's really established a sense of pride in myself and my work that I haven't felt in a long time - I definitely want that feeling to carry on. I'm proud of myself for sticking to it (all bar one day, I forgive myself) and know that I can do whatever I set my mind to. It's the end of BEDA but it's the start of a new chapter of my blog.

Playlist Spotlight: Deep Focus

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I listen to music almost religiously; all day every day no matter what I'm doing - in the shower, walking to work, tidying my room, in the car, scrolling the internet, playing games, anything! Anything other than working, however; and when I say working, I mean writing my blog, or figuring out my business. 

It's especially when writing my blog that I can't concentrate with music; writing and listening to lyrics (or words) has never worked for me, and I've never been able to fully commit to it without getting distracted. However, a few months back I watched a video on YouTube (I can't for the life of me remember who made it) and they suggested a "Deep Focus" Spotify playlist to work with and it worked WONDERS.

The playlist has rock/pop/alt vibes with lyric-less repetitive sounds - it's almost relaxing. The repetitiveness of the music almost makes you forget that you're actually listening to music, you kind of tune out to it and this is perfect. Ever since I found this playlist it's been a saved favourite, and I'm even writing this blog to it right now. If you have trouble concentrating with music then I'd highly recommend giving this playlist a listen.

Tips On Starting A New Job

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I started a new job on Wednesday and it occurred to me that starting a new job can be scarily daunting for some people - don't get me wrong, I was scared shitless (for some reason) before I stepped through the doors officially for the first time, but more often than not, these worries that we have are all in our heads.

I've made a list of a few tips that will get you off to a good start in any job, and probably put you in a good light with your employer too:

‣ Ask lots of questions
Don't be afraid to ask questions and get people to repeat themselves if you're not sure - you are not annoying anyone I can assure you. The more you ask, the more you'll know, and the quicker you'll know it. I'd much rather someone ask me a million questions than go around not knowing what they're doing messing everything up - you don't learn if you don't ask.

‣ Shadow as much as you can
Whenever there's a chance to watch what somebody's doing then I'd take that up - don't wait until you need to do it until you see how it's meant to be done. There's no point winging it when you can see what someones doing first hand. For example, I've been watching my colleagues booking in large parties into the restaurant and finding out what kind of questions they ask, how they book it in, what procedure they use, etc.

‣ Introduce yourself
Don't be a wallflower; introduce yourself to every new person you meet. This is a simple icebreaker that often improves your confidence early on if you're able to do that. I know this may be a really daunting tip for the more introverted types, but I'm a big believer of "fake it till you make it" in the way that if you act confident you will soon become more confident.

‣ Arrive early
For the love of God, don't be late to your first shift! If anything, be 5 or 10 minutes early so you have time to settle in and talk to your manager or senior colleague if necessary.

‣ Be yourself
This is probably the most important thing and the most self-explanatory. The more yourself you are, the more at ease you will be; act as though you've known everyone your entire life (this goes along with the fake it until you make it thing too). I'm not saying tell everyone your deepest darkest secrets straight away, but show your personality off. 

I'm aware that some of these are a lot easier said than done for some people; I used to be the kind of person that would be observant in a new job then come out of my shell when I've got comfortable and got to know everyone a lot better - there's absolutely nothing wrong with this either. These are just my personal tips for starting a new job.

What are your tips?

Listen To Your Body

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I've mentioned a couple of time now that my body seems to have just collapsed with exhaustion from the past couple of weeks. This whole move has taken place in approximately two weeks, and that's not a lot of time at all. I've managed to compress a shit ton of stress and worry in a short period of time; work (new and old), my accommodation, credit checks, what to bring, what to leave behind, is this really the best option for me, am I making the right decision? I never really had time to let anything sink in and was basically running on adrenaline a lot of the time, so now I'm really paying for it.  You know what though? It's teaching me a valuable lesson in listening to my body and what it needs.

I had all these plans when I moved to go exploring, meet new people, drive to new areas, go and work in coffee shops, etc, and I wanted to do them all straight away. I'm just too tired to do any of this stuff right now and for the tiniest minute I got upset that I wasn't out doing everything I wanted to from the go. I took some quiet time to myself and realised that there's absolutely no rush to do anything, but I need to take as long as I need to recuperate so I've got the energy to do all of the things - I'm here for the foreseeable future so I've got plenty of time. What's the point of doing everything, being more tired from it, and not appreciating or enjoying the new experiences? I only moved here 3 days ago for goodness sake!

I'm learning how to listen to my body mentally and physically and have been acting accordingly:

‣ I've been doing light stretches to remove the kinks that are causing me aches
‣ I haven't been setting alarms so my body can get as much sleep as it needs
‣ I've been meditating to clear my mind and focus on what's necessary for me
‣ I've been doing things that I love (from home) to make me happier like reading and blogging
‣ I've been drinking plenty of water
‣ I've been plain and simply not doing anything too strenuous to regain my energy

If you force yourself to do something when your mind and body isn't in the right place it'll probably do more harm than good in the long run. In today's day and age everything is fast-paced and needed to be done now, but everyone seems to forget to look after themselves every once in a while and take a break - that doesn't mean you need to take a week off work, but it could mean taking 15 minutes each morning to work on yourself in whatever way you enjoy or deem fit. The number one thing to do though is just really listen to yourself, because only you know what it is that your body needs right now.

The Gratitude Journal #2

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I now have a designated gratitude journal, and as per Rhonda Byrne's book "The Magic", I am now not only writing what I'm grateful for, but why I'm grateful for it. Being grateful is slowly changing the way I live and the way I view things; it's helping me appreciate the little things in life, and when I feel down it makes me realise that the bigger picture is a lot more positive.

This is becoming a daily habit of mine, and it's nice to look back over all the pages and see how much I have to be grateful for in life. I have been writing down 10 things that I am grateful for each day, so I shall give you 10 of my favourites so far looking back:

‣ I am grateful for negative people because they make me realise how much life really does have to offer if you make the time to look for it.

‣ I am grateful for friends that share and having friends I feel comfortable sharing with because it means I don't have to go through my worries alone.

‣ I am grateful for meditation because it helps me truly relax and feel centred each day.

‣ I am grateful for the sun because it lights up the day for us and makes me 100x happier.

‣ I am grateful for being appreciated because it makes me feel needed and loved.

‣ I am grateful for saying "thank you" because it's polite and it's something small that can mean so much.

‣ I am grateful for my body healing through a headache because it shows how incredible the human body is.

‣ I am grateful for a bed to sleep in because not everybody has that luxury.

‣ I am grateful for not putting pressure on myself because I can be a little bit happier in everything I do.

‣ I am grateful for coming home to flowers on my desk because it really brightens up my mood.

What are you grateful for?

Life Update: Post-Move Exhaustion

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I'm gonna be honest, I'm not feeling too great again today - I think all the exhaustion from stress and lack of a good sleep is finally catching up on me now that I've actually moved - as mentioned yesterday, I'm now all unpacked and ready to start my new job tomorrow in Peterborough.

I did plan to write and schedule a load of blog posts today, but that went out the window when I went on my run of errands. When I eventually got back, not even completing everything on my list, I was so tired that I just crashed and had a nap (which probably made me feel worse, I hate those kinda naps). When I visit my Nan in Norwich, I tend to get sleepy a lot; the air is clearer up there so it tends to make me fall asleep more often. I'm not sure if that's what's happening here or whether it just is plain exhaustion, but I'd imagine it's a bit of everything.

I'm less than a week away from completing BEDA, and if I stop now I will be extremely disappointed with myself for not sticking to it. This is the first time in a long time that I've proclaimed I was going to do something online and actually stuck to it, and you know what? I'm so freaking proud of myself and I'm not afraid to shout it from the rooftops!

For now, I'm going to settle down for the night, grab a big mug of tea and read my book: I'm currently reading Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng and I need to catch up on my reading challenge before I crash out. It's very good by the way.

Letting Go

21:56

Today has been extremely busy with moving (more on that to come) so I've pretty much only just settled down now for the night to blog at 10PM hence why I'm late with this post - I probably should have pre-scheduled a post for today, but you know, that's sensible! 
I came across this quote on Pinterest and feel it hits home quite hard. I'm letting go of everything I've known and have moved to a completely new city away from my hometown which I have lived in pretty much my whole life. As much as I had no problems with living there, it wasn't doing anything to further me in life; or more like, I wasn't doing anything there - it was time to move on.

It hasn't quite sunk in that I've moved just yet, but I have a feeling I'll probably have a little cry about it, and you know what? That's okay! We're all allowed to be upset, I'm changing a big thing in my life and moving away to a strange place where I don't know anyone - it's bound to be hard. I've just got to push through, make the most of my situation, and continue to make positive changes in my life. 

It will all work out okay.

I Can Do Anything

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When I decided to go straight to New Zealand from my time in Australia, the one thing I had to do was do the Nevis bungee jump in Queenstown. This is the highest bungee jump in New Zealand, standing at a whopping 134M with an 8.5 second freefall - that's the time it takes before the rope stretches and bounces you up - it's a long time when you think about the fact that you'll be falling from about 440 feet off the ground with nothing but rocks below you. If I was going to do a bungee jump it had to be the highest one!

Now, don't get me wrong, I was absolutely scared shitless to actually do this despite it being at the very top of my New Zealand bucket list. I'd already skydived in Australia at 14,000 feet, so the height wasn't an issue, it was the idea that I actually had to jump myself; they're not allowed to push you for obvious reasons. I met a few people who said they'd much rather do a bungee jump than a skydive, and I could never understand why - when you skydive, you don't need to do anything other than be strapped to someone who does all the work, whereas with a bungee you have to literally fling yourself off a ledge of your own accord. My parents knew that I wanted to do a bungee jump in New Zealand, but I didn't tell them I was doing it until after I'd done it; I knew my Mum would be absolutely sick with worry. I was the one flinging myself knowingly from a massive height, not her, haha!

 Plenty of people before me advised that when they count down "1, 2, 3...bungee!!!" you just have to go, don't think about it, so that's what I did - I just let the adrenaline drive me and did the one thing that was scaring me. Guess what? I'm alive and it was AWESOME! I let my fear fuel me and I was so proud of myself, and still am - it's the one thing that I look back on and think "I did that, so I can do anything!"

If I can jump 134M with nothing but (pretty much) a rope attached to me, then I can definitely do all the things that I've been wanting to try - nothing seems quite so scary anymore once you've done something like that. I'd massively encourage everyone to try something like this - maybe it doesn't have to be this drastic, but doing something massively out of your comfort zone could be the key to doing all the things you've been too scared to do. If you can do that one big thing and still be breathing, then you can do anything.

My Try List

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This list has been something that I've been wanting to make for the longest time; it's a list of things that I want to try. In my previous post on finding purpose in my life, I touched at the end on wanting to go out of my comfort zone and try new things, well these are some of those said things:

‣ Take a yoga class
‣ Take Zumba class
‣ Take pole dancing class
‣ Learn a language
‣ Take an art class (get back into art)
‣ Learn calligraphy
‣ Learn how to edit videos creatively
‣ Learn how to code websites
‣ Start an art journal
‣ Learn about personal branding
‣ Learn how to animate

Even though I finished school a while back I'm starting to realise that we should never stop learning - I used to run away from any kind of learning activity, even if it was something that I wanted to find out about because quite simply, I didn't want to invest the time. Now I realise that my point of view was quite ignorant and I actually have plenty of time to do these things and find out if they are things that I want to pursue further. 

I want to challenge myself to learn something new and to try different things that I've been wanting to do for years now; it's funny how pretty much all of these things are creatively based. I lost a lot of my creative inspiration and drive when I was a teenager for reasons unknown, and I've always wanted to get back into it, but I could never really be bothered - I want to be bothered now. I want to get back into doing things that I enjoy and finding new mediums in that craft to get involved in, I want to rekindle my love for this and get passionate about something again. 

I'm excited to journal my experiences and take you guys along with me.

Five On Friday #2

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In this weeks Five on Friday I'm gonna be talking about some music favourites, these are ALBUMS THAT I LOVED GROWING UP. To be honest, I still absolutely love these albums now, but they are ones that I particularly remember growing up and listening to on repeat for hours on end.

The Singles - Basement Jaxx
Basement Jaxx had already released a lot of music before I started getting into them; I was young and hadn't heard of them, this isn't a place for the hipsters who liked them before they were famous. The first album I properly listened to, therefore, was their "greatest hits" album - I always used to hear random songs (from different albums) and absolutely loved their upbeat electro songs; so to find an album with all my favourites in one place was amazing. Basement Jaxx never fail to put a smile on my face with their music.

Favourite song: Good Luck

Scissor Sisters - Scissor Sisters
I have no idea why, but when I was younger, I was slightly ashamed of liking the Scissor Sisters - they were this weird, wacky, extremely camp band that created music that if you really listen to it is kinda strange. I used to call them my "guilty pleasure", but now I'm not afraid to admit that I absolutely adored them and owned pretty much everything they brought out. They produced catchy pop tunes that you would be singing for hours, even if some of the unreleased album songs were very risqué - but then again, every song left, right and centre nowadays revolves around sex.

Favourite song: Return To Oz

Songs About Jane - Maroon 5
I absolutely love every single album that Maroon 5 has ever released - they are one of the bands I believe can do no wrong. This album in particular though is their first and in my opinion their most iconic - it reminds me of the hours I would be playing Final Fantasy 8 on my Playstation because I had this album on repeat the whole time and didn't get bored. I pretty much know every single word to every single song on the album, and always know what song is coming up next.

Favourite song: Harder To Breathe

 We Sing. We dance. We Steal Things. - Jason Mraz
Jason Mraz is just the King of Chill; his laid-back songs with his soothing voice just mash for a wonderful relaxing experience. He's just so addictive and every song seems to have a little something added to it whether it's a rap, skat or just his lyrical genius. Lyrics are what I appreciate most about music, and Jason Mraz's lyrics are genius; they're clever and have meaning. The funny this is, is that I think I randomly came across one of his songs on Spotify, and the love continued from there.

Favourite song: The Dynamo Of Volition

Billy Talent - Billy Talent
I've definitely left the best till last, and like Maroon 5 every single album that they have released is absolute perfection, and they can just do no wrong. I literally can't even choose a favourite album of theirs though, or even one that I prefer over the rest because I'm in love with each and every one of them. I'm pretty sure an old friend introduced me to this band, and I'm always grateful for that fateful day (I make it sound like the world stopped spinning when I found Billy Talent - it almost did, haha). I could listen to their pop-punk-rock tracks all day, and not get bored as they are still my favourite band of all time.

Favourite song: Nothing To Lose

For me, all of these albums are timeless and bring back so many fond memories of when I was growing up. I can remember certain events that I can link these bands to and I just love reminiscing over my favourite tracks. Sometimes you hear a track you used to love which reminds you it exists to go back and listen to the album again, and it just brings back so many happy memories.

What are some of your favourite albums from growing up?

You can check out last weeks post here if you're interested.

Bullet Review: Furyborn

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Furyborn (Empirium #1) by Claire Legrand
To Be Published 22nd May 2018 (approx) by Sourcebooks (Kindle Edition)
Netgalley Review Copy
★★★★★

Follows two fiercely independent young women, centuries apart, who hold the power to save their world...or doom it.
When assassins ambush her best friend, the crown prince, Rielle Dardenne risks everything to save him, exposing her ability to perform all seven kinds of elemental magic. The only people who should possess this extraordinary power are a pair of prophesied queens: a queen of light and salvation and a queen of blood and destruction. To prove she is the Sun Queen, Rielle must endure seven trials to test her magic. If she fails, she will be executed...unless the trials kill her first.
A thousand years later, the legend of Queen Rielle is a mere fairy tale to bounty hunter Eliana Ferracora. When the Undying Empire conquered her kingdom, she embraced violence to keep her family alive. Now, she believes herself untouchable--until her mother vanishes without a trace, along with countless other women in their city. To find her, Eliana joins a rebel captain on a dangerous mission and discovers that the evil at the heart of the empire is more terrible than she ever imagined.
As Rielle and Eliana fight in a cosmic war that spans millennia, their stories intersect, and the shocking connections between them ultimately determine the fate of their world--and of each other. 

I'm excited to announce that this is my first 5-star fiction book of the year, and it was definitely worth the 4-month wait to get to it. This may be a quick review because to be quite honest, there wasn't much I didn't like about the book, so let's start with that shall we?

WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE
• The only character that I didn't like in the entire book was Rahzavel. I felt he was quite pointless, didn't really add much to the storyline, and just always seemed to appear out of the blue to fight with Eliana randomly. It was almost like a stereotypical villain trait to just pop up with "Mwahaha, you thought you got away, but I've got you now!" kinda thing, and it just felt kind of childish.

 WHAT I LIKED
• The kickass female leads. The story revolves around Rielle and Eliana; thousands of years apart, but linked in a way. They're clever, determined, fierce, and just plain badass to be quite honest. It's been quite some time since I've read a book with a female lead that I actually loved.

• The character development in this book was amazing, you definitely saw every single character change throughout the book, whether it be in a good or a bad way. You just got to know each character on a really personal level, and even if I didn't know everything about one, then the mystery element definitely kept me hooked. You felt connected, and I almost cried on a couple of occasions...I didn't, but the fact that I almost did is a big deal, because I'm generally an emotional robot when it comes to books.

• I loved the plot. I know this is really vague, but I genuinely enjoyed everything about it - the fast-paced action, the twists and turns. There was never a point in the book where I was bored, as I was constantly on the edge of my seat - I think it helped that each chapter ended on a cliffhanger. Each chapter alternated from Rielle and Eliana's point of view and I just wanted to keep reading on to find out everything that happened.

• This is honestly something that I don't say often because I'm not a massive fan of it in general, but I really enjoyed the romance in the book. Without going into too much detail it just felt real and honest. It was all pretty gradual and had none of this "love at first sight" bullshit where two characters see each other and then are suddenly irrevocably in such a deep love like they had known each other their whole lives....and BREATHE. I could write a whole post about how much I generally hate how romances are written in books; especially ones that don't need them at all to advance the plot. Okay, I'm sorry, I digress, the romance progressed nicely without rushing. I mean, as I mentioned before, I felt attached to the characters massively so I feel this was the perfect addition to that.

• The author isn't afraid to tackle dark themes in the book, and because of this I'd maybe put this in the category of NA rather than YA? Themes such as death, violence, gore, loss of a parent, loss of a loved one, sex, abduction and torture. It wasn't a dark book per se, but it definitely had dark themes running through the entire thing which in a weird way I found oddly refreshing in comparison to the lovey-dovey YA books I'm used to reading - but as I said, I think this has steered a little bit away from YA because of this. It was hard-hitting, impactful, and made the story that much more interesting to read because it was so different.

FINAL THOUGHTS
I don't think I can fully express how much I loved this book; I just genuinely loved everything about it and cannot wait to read the next book in this trilogy.

Little Thoughts: Better Weather

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Guess what I'm doing? I'm sitting outside and blogging...outside...in April. We've finally got some better weather and I'm taking full advantage of it. I know it's the UK and we're not exactly going through one of our renowned 30-degree "heatwaves" which we are mocked for by the rest of the world, but just having a bit more of a warmer climate always boosts my mood tenfold.

I'm an emotional mirror in the way that my surroundings affect the way that I'm feeling, and maybe that's why in the Winter months I have depressing spells. I think the way I'm feeling now is mainly to do with my mindset and my refreshed view on life, but the weather definitely plays a big part in how I feel. Right now, I'm feeling happy and ready to do things! 

The only thing that bugs me about this weather is the way that everyone else reacts - all the guys will start going topless at the first sign of sun, you will begin to smell BBQs everywhere, and suddenly everyone's walking around in shorts and flipflops. Yeah, I get that it's nice but it's not that hot and everyone's just playing into the massive British "Summer" stereotype! It's not even Summer, and I've already started hearing people throwing the term around. Okay, I'll stop, that's my only gripe with this weather, but on the whole, I'm making the most of it while it lasts, because knowing our luck it will bloody snow next week or something.

Okay okay okay, let's step back a moment and have a look at something that I've just seen on Twitter - I literally had this blog post finished until I saw this hashtag which epitomised everything I've just been saying. Let this sink in.....#heatwave! HASHTAG FREAKING HEATWAVE! It's 20 degrees as I write this, and at it's highest it will be 22 degrees. Would you call that a heatwave? I know I wouldn't. This country can't handle any kind of weather without it turning into an epidemic of sorts.

Rant over! Let's relax and enjoy the sun while it's still here, I'm off to sit in a pub garden and drink cider with ice - it's my day off afterall. How're you enjoying the day?

Finding Purpose In Life

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I'm a massive advocate for personal development, but I'm often the person who will read tons of the stuff, and then not apply it to my life. I've started reading "The Magic" by Rhonda Byrne (the author of The Secret, which you've probably heard of) and she is a big believer in the law of attraction and gratitude. My friend Shelby recommended this book to me for the 28 days worth of gratitude practices which are included in this book, and even from just reading the introduction and the first day, I can tell it's going to be a good'un.

At the beginning of the book it urges you to find the time to maintain a list of your dreams through the following categories:

‣ Health and Body
‣ Career and Work
‣ Money
‣ Relationships
‣ Personal Desires
‣ Material Things

These are things that you will need to be clear of in your mind so you have a direction that you want gratitude to change your life. These can be things you want now, this week, this month, this year or even in 10 years time, as long as they are things that you actually want to do and are willing to work towards. That's the crux of this situation; they are things you are willing to work towards.

A lot of naysayers dismiss the idea that gratitude gets you everything you want in life because all they do is think their gratitudes rather than act on them. You can't just expect that thinking about success will grant you success, you need to take action and work towards what you want as well as being positive and grateful for everything that you have - it's a process that involves you in mind and body.

I have made quite an extensive list of things that I want in life in all of the above categories, and I will be adding to the categories when I think of things too. Really thinking about what you want in life is very therapeutic and focusing - it brings a lot of clarity to your situation.

I managed to go onto 2 pages for "Personal Desires" but struggled a lot with "Career and Work" - I've only got vague dreams for my job life as I'm not entirely sure what I want to do. For example, I know that I want to be self-employed and earn enough to quit my full-time job but I don't know what I want to actually be doing. At first, I saw this as a failure, but then I saw it as a learning curve - I need to find what my true work passions are, but I can only find by doing.

I need to start doing more of what I love, try new things that may scare me and go completely outside of my comfort zone. I may find something that I'm truly passionate about, I may get inspired to where I want my life to take me, but I definitely won't find anything out if I just stay in my little bubble for the rest of my life thinking about what I want to do - I've done that for way too many years that it's now time to start living and figuring out what I want. I don't want that "Career and Work" heading to stay vague for the rest of my life. I want a purpose. I will find it.