Reflecting On The Positives

11:42


Let's focus in on the positives today. Let's look back over the past few months, and instead of reflecting on how awful I've been feeling, let's take a glimpse at what's made me happy, what's made me smile and what's brought a positive energy into my life:

‣ Moving out and moving away
After months of contemplating it, and putting it to the side, I finally did it, and it feels amazing to be independent again after moving back in with my parents when I came back from travelling. I've moved to a completely different area of the country (there's even a different accent here) and just feel it was the change that I needed.

‣ Fitting in at work
One of my biggest fears is going to a new workplace and just not getting on with anyone and not enjoying it. Well, I can safely say that I am absolutely loving my new job (even after 3 months) and love all of my colleagues to death. We're like a little family and I've honestly never felt so welcome coming into a new job as I have here. I'll admit that sometimes I prefer being at work to being at home just because I have so much fun in what I do.

‣ My parents moving closer
This one seems to be a bit contradictory, but my parents have moved 5 minutes away from where I now live and I honestly couldn't be happier. In a place where I've felt a little bit lonely as of late, it's always a big thing to have a friendly face to turn to when things get tough. Don't get me wrong, and I've been asked this plenty of times, I'm not moving back in with them anytime soon, but it's just nice to have family close by.

‣ Travelling 
I've done a lot of travelling over the past few months whether it was across the globe to Canada, across the channel to France or just up the motorway to Bolton. A lot of my travelling revolves around rugby, but I use that almost as an excuse to see and experience new places.

‣ Living close to a 24 hour McDonalds
This one is definitely out of character for me, but I've been absolutely loving the ease of McDonald's recently. Midnight Macca's runs are an enjoyable outing for me now (especially with a friend) as it's just nice to chill out and chat. I also love choosing what I want from the big ordering touchscreen...I don't really know why, but why deny me the small pleasures in life.

‣ Doing an apprenticeship
I'm doing an apprenticeship through my workplace, and although I'm not happy about having to write an essay of 5000 words, it's giving me something to focus on. I've been trying to dedicate an hour a day to studying, and although I'm not an academic person by any means, it's been nice to get away from my thoughts and really hone in on learning something new. 

‣ Day out at Ferry Meadows
Ferry Meadows is a big park near where I live with tons of different trails to walk down. It's such a beautiful place, and it was such an enjoyable venture to go there by myself and just be with my own thoughts. I was able to meditate and do a bit of journaling when I was there, so I very much treated it like a self-care day being amongst nature by myself. 

Recently, I've found myself focusing on all the negative things that have happened to me, and completely forgetting the things that made me happy, made me smile or brought me joy. I need to get back into the habit of putting a positive thought with every negative one. Reminding myself of some of the good in the past few months has really helped me put things into perspective, it's been extremely therapeutic. 

Getting Back On Track

21:47


So yeah, I guess it's been a while. I'm not gonna lie though, these last few months have been the worst I've experienced in a long time - my mental health took a massive turn for the worst and I just ended up forgetting who I was: I forgot how to love myself, I forgot how to enjoy my own company, and I forgot what it felt like to enjoy doing something that I love.

I'll admit, it doesn't help that I moved to a brand new part of the country by myself at the end of May, and although it's definitely a positive thing, it became quite lonely when it finally dawned on me that I was quite literally by myself in a place where everyone knew each other from school or from just generally living there. Speaking with a colleague who went through the same thing, I know that I'm not alone in my thinking, but sometimes it's hard to think about things logically when you're not in a great place mentally.

Social media has been a welcome distraction but has also added another layer to my problems; a ridiculous addiction that has probably amplified my anxiety issues rather than quelled them. I would find myself day in day out repetitively scrolling, refreshing, checking who's online, checking who hasn't responded to my messages and therefore getting myself worked up over things that just don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I was forgetting to live, and consequently wasn't living - I was living a life consisting of the four walls of my bedroom and my thoughts; I wasn't allowing myself to enjoy anything as I was too consumed by everything "wrong" with my life and the vices of social media.

I've drafted the post for now because in hindsight of this whole situation it was quite ironic, but the last post before my unplanned hiatus was about how I wanted to change my life in a year (a la #tryingchange). I'm still very much behind this, but right now I'm in the process of getting my mental health back on track, and that's my main priority for the time being.

Right now I'm focussing on 5 things that I'm trying to implement daily:
‣ Gratitude
‣ Journaling
‣ Mood tracking
‣ Meditation
‣ Doing something that I enjoy

I plan to elaborate on these things in future blog posts, but I'm going to take things slow, figure myself out, and bring you along on the journey with me.