Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is something that I've struggled with for the past few years. Admittedly, I've never been officially diagnosed by a doctor, but I get these depressive episodes when the clocks go back, the days become shorter, and we don't get as much light in the day.

According to the NHS website the symptoms of sad include:

▸  A persistent low mood

▸  A loss of pleasure or interest in normal everyday activities

▸  Irritability

▸  Feelings of despair, guilt and worthlessness

▸  Feeling lethargic (lacking in energy) and sleepy during the day

▸  Sleeping for longer than normal and finding it hard to get up in the morning

▸  Craving carbohydrates and gaining weight

Normally, these feelings come out of nowhere for me as I generally always forget that I feel like this every year, for some reason. However, this year I knew it was coming but I just didn't know when it was going to start.

I only noticed it after the fact, but over the past couple of days on my days off from work I have been laying in the same position on the sofa all day; scrolling the same feeds, attempting to read, playing phone games, watching Netflix, and occasionally napping. I just had absolutely zero motivation to do anything or even to get up out of my position on the sofa; my whole body felt lethargic despite getting more than enough sleep. I barely wanted to exert energy to eat, let alone do anything remotely productive, and I was more than happy to sit in my own misery for the entire day and label it a "self-care day" when it was anything but one of those. 

Now I know that I'm in a SAD rut, I'm going to do everything in my power to combat it and nip it in the bud. I have a tendency to research and research the hell out of my problems but never end up actioning anything into my life, so this time I'm going to just start. 

I'm going to document my findings, what I've tried, and how I'm feeling. I'm going to start off with exercise - this is something that I've been wanting to implement into my life for quite a while now, but like most things, it's just been a thought in my head that never came to fruition because I didn't have the motivation. My motivation, my "why" for doing all of this is to help myself feel better, to not feel sorry for myself everyday, and to beat this depressive season, so I now have a reason to get ot of bed in the morning which is something that I've previously never had.

Let's be honest here, I've never stuck at any sort of exercise for more than about 2 days before I gave up or can't be bothered anymore - I'll do it tomorrow, was a common catchphrase of mine, but of course, tomorrow never comes. I'm keeping myself accountable by posting daily pictures of my runs on Facebook and by documenting my SAD journey here on my blog and I want this to be something that I actually do stick to.

I know I say this a lot but as much as I want to nip SAD in the bud, I also want to end 2018 the way that I want 2019 to start, and that is gonna begin with creating some good habits and breaking some bad ones. 

I'll check in with you again, soon.