Working On Myself

09:00


I've been thinking a lot recently about how I don't have any goals of things I want to achieve - maybe I'm not entirely sure what it is that I want to do with my life, but sometimes I think I put my lack of goals on a pedestal and give it too much time in my head. Some people a hell of a lot older than me still don't know what they want to do with their lives, and do you know what? It doesn't matter. 
Life if a journey, not a race.

I've decided that instead of scouring my mind constantly, trying to figure out what it is that I want to do, I should just work on myself first. I know that inspiration will strike when it's supposed to strike in it's own perfect timing, and you can't rush what's meant to be. If my mind isn't in the right place and if I'm not content with myself, then anything that I hypothetically pursue will, again, fizzle out before it's started.

So, here's 3 goals that I have come up with to work on myself:

1. Reflect
Recently I've been getting back into journaling in a big way. Every day I've been trying to write 10 gratitudes in the morning, 5 wins of the day in the evening, a list of affirmations twice a day and journaling my thoughts and feelings when I feel it's necessary. The other day, I got really fed up with everything and literally wrote 4 pages of how I was feeling and what was on my mind, and honestly, it was one of the most therapeutic and best things I'd done in a while. 

I want to reflect more on my life; what's good, what's bad, how I'm feeling, what's going through my head, my doubts, fears, excitement and joy. I want to find out what makes me tick, and if it can help my mental health too in the process then that's a bonus. This will be a daily activity to help me focus and realign myself.

2. Prioritise myself
I've spent too much time in the past caring too much about what other people think of me, how I come across to other people, and just apologising too much so that people wouldn't hate me. I rely on constant attention and validation to make myself feel good, when I should be finding that in myself - the like-to-be-liked complex. In this vain, I want to prioritise myself in every way, whether it be physical or mental - I need to do more things that I enjoy, learn to say no, take time for myself, look after my body, and just generally learn to not care what people think of me.

3. Blog my experiences
Whilst I've been trying to focus on myself a lot more I've never stopped thinking about the want to blog, and if you can't stop thinking about it, then maybe you should start putting your thoughts into action. I thought what better way to continue with my blogging than to document my experiences working on myself - it gives me a space to look back on how far I've come and share the ups and downs of my journey.

Initially when I was thinking about doing this, I had some doubts in my head, but instead of dwelling on them, I came up with 10 positives to doing this for myself and for the blogging community:

▸ I love helping others, and if it can help at least one person, I'll be happy
▸ People can follow my journey of self discovery as they go along with theirs
▸ It's relatable 
▸ It'll encourage me to carry on and practise what I preach
▸ It'll improved my well being and mental health 
▸ It's vulnerable
▸ It's what I feel the urge to do
▸ I'm passionate about personal development
▸ I'm passionate about helping people live their best lives
▸ I'm a big cheerleader for other peoples successes

I want to implement these things into my life for the rest of 2018 at least, and then we'll see where we're at then. I want to end this year on a positive note, and I don't want to just wait for 2019 to start making new goals. I want to start NOW. It's never too late to start working on yourself.

What's Meant To Be Will Find A Way

18:00


"What's meant to be will find a way" 
This is a quote that I've always had trouble getting my head around, don't get me wrong, I understand what it means, but I just can't action it into my life. I like to be in control of everything, and I have trouble realising sometimes that I can't control everything around me.

Sometimes I like to write lists of everything that is bothering me and cross out the things that I physically can't control. With these things that I have absolutely NO control over whatsoever, I'm learning to try and let them go and to stop worrying about them; does so and so like me, what do they think of me, do they think I'm annoying? When you have anxiety this is especially hard, but I've found that writing down all my thoughts and feelings on paper in a stream of consciousness is very therapeutic when it comes to clearing your head.

I normally chase after the answers to these questions if I feel I'm out of control, but this isn't the way.

This morning, I wrote down all my worries, but I followed it by writing that I will be leaving all of this with the Universe and that if it's meant to be it will be, and if it's not then that's okay too. I just need to get on with things now, focus on myself, and remember that what's meant to be will find a way.


Manifest and Leave Behind

18:00


I wanted to start my month off strong and put into place my end of year plans with some intentional journalling. I feel like there is no real definition to "intentional journalling" (I've tried searching), but I see it as a way of finding yourself through self-reflective writing - asking yourself the nitty-gritty questions that you're almost afraid to answer, being true to your feelings, and just getting everything out from your head onto paper. 

Coincidentally, this morning my friend Shelby screenshotted me a picture of an intentional journalling exercise for the start of the month and it was PERFECT. 

You get two pieces of paper - on one, you write down everything you'd like to leave behind; any bad habits, negativity, distractions or things that cause you pain. Burn this piece of paper. On the second, you write everything you want to manifest; for yourself, loved ones, things you want to make room for, things you want to improve. Store this piece of paper in a safe place.

I'm going to be completely open and candid in my blogs so I will share what I wrote on both bits of paper with you for inspiration:

LEAVE BEHIND
🌑Constantly checking my phone
🌑Needing Validation from other people
🌑Worrying about boys
🌑Not focusing on myself
🌑Scrolling social media aimlessly
🌑Negative self-talk
🌑Sitting around doing nothing
🌑Sleeping in late
🌑Not doing anything
🌑Caring what others think
🌑Waiting by the phone
🌑Not being confident in my decisions
🌑Not taking enough time for myself
🌑Being Lazy

MANIFEST
🌕Motivation
🌕Drive
🌕Purpose
🌕Passion
🌕Confidence
🌕Earlier starts
🌕Doing things I enjoy
🌕Reading
🌕Blogging
🌕Positivity/mindset work
🌕Productivity
🌕Self-care
🌕Being content
🌕Success
🌕Cleanliness
🌕Meditation
🌕Gratitudes
🌕Drink more water
🌕More love less hate
🌕Compassion
🌕Focus

One of my biggest problems is letting go of my problems and trusting that the universe will work everything out for me. I always get caught up in my own head and my own thoughts trying to figure things out (thanks, anxiety). However, this exercise has been massively refreshing for me, and I'm trying to put more trust in myself and the universe - it's not going to be easy, but I've got to start to process somewhere.


End Of Year Manifesto 2018

19:44



I'm a big believer that you can change at any point, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with trying to reinvent yourself on a regular basis. 

This list is as vague to you as it is to me; I could spend a long time debating and deciding on the best way of actioning this list but that, like the last previous times, would be a massive waste of time. I'm taking a different approach this time. I'm not going to plan everything to a tee, I'm not going to try and figure out how everything's going to work out before I've even begun. I've had a planners complex in the past, and this level of planning and perfectionism, I've learnt, is what essentially brings me down. 

These are the words and phrases that I want to implement into my life, some are more obvious than others, and the less obvious ones I'm sure I'll figure out along the way.

Gratitude
Meditation
Read
Exercise
Blog
Mindset
Mindfulness
Self Care
Positivity
Personal Development
Take more pictures (not selfies)
Be more creative
Uplifting
Empowering
Wake up earlier
Don't stay up too late (especially days when I finish work late)
Make the most of days off
Prioritise myself
Find contentment on my own
Don't look for validation

Reflecting On The Positives

11:42


Let's focus in on the positives today. Let's look back over the past few months, and instead of reflecting on how awful I've been feeling, let's take a glimpse at what's made me happy, what's made me smile and what's brought a positive energy into my life:

‣ Moving out and moving away
After months of contemplating it, and putting it to the side, I finally did it, and it feels amazing to be independent again after moving back in with my parents when I came back from travelling. I've moved to a completely different area of the country (there's even a different accent here) and just feel it was the change that I needed.

‣ Fitting in at work
One of my biggest fears is going to a new workplace and just not getting on with anyone and not enjoying it. Well, I can safely say that I am absolutely loving my new job (even after 3 months) and love all of my colleagues to death. We're like a little family and I've honestly never felt so welcome coming into a new job as I have here. I'll admit that sometimes I prefer being at work to being at home just because I have so much fun in what I do.

‣ My parents moving closer
This one seems to be a bit contradictory, but my parents have moved 5 minutes away from where I now live and I honestly couldn't be happier. In a place where I've felt a little bit lonely as of late, it's always a big thing to have a friendly face to turn to when things get tough. Don't get me wrong, and I've been asked this plenty of times, I'm not moving back in with them anytime soon, but it's just nice to have family close by.

‣ Travelling 
I've done a lot of travelling over the past few months whether it was across the globe to Canada, across the channel to France or just up the motorway to Bolton. A lot of my travelling revolves around rugby, but I use that almost as an excuse to see and experience new places.

‣ Living close to a 24 hour McDonalds
This one is definitely out of character for me, but I've been absolutely loving the ease of McDonald's recently. Midnight Macca's runs are an enjoyable outing for me now (especially with a friend) as it's just nice to chill out and chat. I also love choosing what I want from the big ordering touchscreen...I don't really know why, but why deny me the small pleasures in life.

‣ Doing an apprenticeship
I'm doing an apprenticeship through my workplace, and although I'm not happy about having to write an essay of 5000 words, it's giving me something to focus on. I've been trying to dedicate an hour a day to studying, and although I'm not an academic person by any means, it's been nice to get away from my thoughts and really hone in on learning something new. 

‣ Day out at Ferry Meadows
Ferry Meadows is a big park near where I live with tons of different trails to walk down. It's such a beautiful place, and it was such an enjoyable venture to go there by myself and just be with my own thoughts. I was able to meditate and do a bit of journaling when I was there, so I very much treated it like a self-care day being amongst nature by myself. 

Recently, I've found myself focusing on all the negative things that have happened to me, and completely forgetting the things that made me happy, made me smile or brought me joy. I need to get back into the habit of putting a positive thought with every negative one. Reminding myself of some of the good in the past few months has really helped me put things into perspective, it's been extremely therapeutic. 

Getting Back On Track

21:47


So yeah, I guess it's been a while. I'm not gonna lie though, these last few months have been the worst I've experienced in a long time - my mental health took a massive turn for the worst and I just ended up forgetting who I was: I forgot how to love myself, I forgot how to enjoy my own company, and I forgot what it felt like to enjoy doing something that I love.

I'll admit, it doesn't help that I moved to a brand new part of the country by myself at the end of May, and although it's definitely a positive thing, it became quite lonely when it finally dawned on me that I was quite literally by myself in a place where everyone knew each other from school or from just generally living there. Speaking with a colleague who went through the same thing, I know that I'm not alone in my thinking, but sometimes it's hard to think about things logically when you're not in a great place mentally.

Social media has been a welcome distraction but has also added another layer to my problems; a ridiculous addiction that has probably amplified my anxiety issues rather than quelled them. I would find myself day in day out repetitively scrolling, refreshing, checking who's online, checking who hasn't responded to my messages and therefore getting myself worked up over things that just don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I was forgetting to live, and consequently wasn't living - I was living a life consisting of the four walls of my bedroom and my thoughts; I wasn't allowing myself to enjoy anything as I was too consumed by everything "wrong" with my life and the vices of social media.

I've drafted the post for now because in hindsight of this whole situation it was quite ironic, but the last post before my unplanned hiatus was about how I wanted to change my life in a year (a la #tryingchange). I'm still very much behind this, but right now I'm in the process of getting my mental health back on track, and that's my main priority for the time being.

Right now I'm focussing on 5 things that I'm trying to implement daily:
‣ Gratitude
‣ Journaling
‣ Mood tracking
‣ Meditation
‣ Doing something that I enjoy

I plan to elaborate on these things in future blog posts, but I'm going to take things slow, figure myself out, and bring you along on the journey with me.


What On My Desk?

18:00

Since moving, I've become pretty proud of my little desk/vanity table; I normally overcrowd desks with different products and tools that it just becomes messy, but I've managed to limit the things that are out to the products that I actually use.

I'm a simple kind of girl, I don't have much of a skincare routine as my skin has never needed it. In the past when I have tried to take advantage of skin care it has caused me more trouble than good, so I'm a big advocate for less is more. Then again, I've never had really bad skin so I can't really speak for the other side of the argument. I'm a splash-water-on-my-face kinda girl, sue me!


1. My tools: Here are my collection of makeup brushes, tweezers, nail files and scissors. The brushes in particular right now could probably do with a clean, but we'll get to that when we get to that.

2. Nivea Soft Moisturising Cream: This is one of the only moisturisers that doesn't dry out my skin, and funnily enough, I use it when my skin is feeling especially dry. It's an absolutely huge tub that I've only just started so it will definitely be lasting me a long time.

3. Lush 9-5 Cleansing Lotion: I absolutely hate walking past the lush store because it makes me feel sick, but I've always been mega curious about their products because everyone and their mum is always raving about them. This was one of the first products in their range that I bought (online may I add) and I absolutely love it - it's a cleansing lotion that I personally use to properly take off my makeup. I'll use a makeup wipe to start off with and then I use a cotton pad and a little bit of this lotion to go over my face. It's amazing and quite disgusting what's actually left over after you've supposedly already taken your makeup off. I'll be honest though, I only do this when I can be bothered - #relatable.

4. Tangle Teaser: Two disclaimers to start off with, 1. I was gonna edit out the hair that I forgot to take out of the brush before taking the picture, but then I thought fuck it, this is real life, and nobody's life is picture perfect. 2. Obviously, this is only a cheap version of the official tangle teaser, because your girl only really wants to pay £1 for one, let's be honest. Now, I've found that my hair tends to be a big lump of mess in general unless I reaaaally take the time to brush it. More often than not I just throw it up or let it be messy because I really dig that look. I do think the "tangle teaser" is a nice soft way of brushing your hair though.

5. Woolworths Select Daily Balance Moisturiser: Again, like with the Nivea Soft Moisturising Cream, this is one of the only products that I've loved using on my dry skin - this includes their cleanser as well which is in another cupboard in my room. Unfortunately for me though, I got it in Australia and it's not in production anymore either - my parents went on holiday there at the beginning of the year and found that out whilst trying to get me some more.

6. Sure Anti-Perspirant: I don't have a specific brand that I go for here, I just pick the cheapest at the time of purchase.

7. Asda Dry Shampoo: I've gone through a range of dry shampoos from cheap to expensive and I prefer the cheap ones. Batiste is a popular brand but it's pricier for a big bottle, (Are they bottles? Are they cans? Who can answer one of life's most confusing questions?) and I personally find that it makes my hair look white no matter how I use it. I can get a big bottle of the stuff real cheap in a supermarket own brand or other cheaper brands and I love them.

8. L'Oréal Kids Tangle Tamer: As I said before, my hair can get into a congealed mess (lovely) and a few months back I discovered an old bottle of kids tangle tamer than I used to use and I found basically the same thing when that ran out. My god, it's good, and it smells amazing! Why buy an expensive "adult" de-tangling lotion with outrageous prices when you can get the same thing for cheaper because it happens to say "kids" on the packaging - we've all got hair, so there's no difference, and if anything, it might even be a little safer and good for sensitivity.

9. Peach Perfume: I've actually got no idea why this is here to be fair, I use it every now and then, but I'm not a perfume person - it smells pretty good though.

10. Younique Setting Spray: This. Is. Life. I never used setting spray before this one but it lasts all day, and I use it for at least 3 different purposes: setting my makeup (obv), priming my face and wetting my beauty blender. You don't need much of the product at all and it's a huge bottle so it's gonna last you a long time - I probably use a little too much than is needed though, but that's my problem.

This is pretty much everything I use on an almost daily basis; as you can see I'm pretty low maintenance and can get ready in 5 or 10 minutes if needed. Ain't nobody getting me up 3 hours early just to get ready.

Have you used any of these products? What do you have out on your desk or vanity?