Reflecting On The Positives

11:42


Let's focus in on the positives today. Let's look back over the past few months, and instead of reflecting on how awful I've been feeling, let's take a glimpse at what's made me happy, what's made me smile and what's brought a positive energy into my life:

‣ Moving out and moving away
After months of contemplating it, and putting it to the side, I finally did it, and it feels amazing to be independent again after moving back in with my parents when I came back from travelling. I've moved to a completely different area of the country (there's even a different accent here) and just feel it was the change that I needed.

‣ Fitting in at work
One of my biggest fears is going to a new workplace and just not getting on with anyone and not enjoying it. Well, I can safely say that I am absolutely loving my new job (even after 3 months) and love all of my colleagues to death. We're like a little family and I've honestly never felt so welcome coming into a new job as I have here. I'll admit that sometimes I prefer being at work to being at home just because I have so much fun in what I do.

‣ My parents moving closer
This one seems to be a bit contradictory, but my parents have moved 5 minutes away from where I now live and I honestly couldn't be happier. In a place where I've felt a little bit lonely as of late, it's always a big thing to have a friendly face to turn to when things get tough. Don't get me wrong, and I've been asked this plenty of times, I'm not moving back in with them anytime soon, but it's just nice to have family close by.

‣ Travelling 
I've done a lot of travelling over the past few months whether it was across the globe to Canada, across the channel to France or just up the motorway to Bolton. A lot of my travelling revolves around rugby, but I use that almost as an excuse to see and experience new places.

‣ Living close to a 24 hour McDonalds
This one is definitely out of character for me, but I've been absolutely loving the ease of McDonald's recently. Midnight Macca's runs are an enjoyable outing for me now (especially with a friend) as it's just nice to chill out and chat. I also love choosing what I want from the big ordering touchscreen...I don't really know why, but why deny me the small pleasures in life.

‣ Doing an apprenticeship
I'm doing an apprenticeship through my workplace, and although I'm not happy about having to write an essay of 5000 words, it's giving me something to focus on. I've been trying to dedicate an hour a day to studying, and although I'm not an academic person by any means, it's been nice to get away from my thoughts and really hone in on learning something new. 

‣ Day out at Ferry Meadows
Ferry Meadows is a big park near where I live with tons of different trails to walk down. It's such a beautiful place, and it was such an enjoyable venture to go there by myself and just be with my own thoughts. I was able to meditate and do a bit of journaling when I was there, so I very much treated it like a self-care day being amongst nature by myself. 

Recently, I've found myself focusing on all the negative things that have happened to me, and completely forgetting the things that made me happy, made me smile or brought me joy. I need to get back into the habit of putting a positive thought with every negative one. Reminding myself of some of the good in the past few months has really helped me put things into perspective, it's been extremely therapeutic. 

Getting Back On Track

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So yeah, I guess it's been a while. I'm not gonna lie though, these last few months have been the worst I've experienced in a long time - my mental health took a massive turn for the worst and I just ended up forgetting who I was: I forgot how to love myself, I forgot how to enjoy my own company, and I forgot what it felt like to enjoy doing something that I love.

I'll admit, it doesn't help that I moved to a brand new part of the country by myself at the end of May, and although it's definitely a positive thing, it became quite lonely when it finally dawned on me that I was quite literally by myself in a place where everyone knew each other from school or from just generally living there. Speaking with a colleague who went through the same thing, I know that I'm not alone in my thinking, but sometimes it's hard to think about things logically when you're not in a great place mentally.

Social media has been a welcome distraction but has also added another layer to my problems; a ridiculous addiction that has probably amplified my anxiety issues rather than quelled them. I would find myself day in day out repetitively scrolling, refreshing, checking who's online, checking who hasn't responded to my messages and therefore getting myself worked up over things that just don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I was forgetting to live, and consequently wasn't living - I was living a life consisting of the four walls of my bedroom and my thoughts; I wasn't allowing myself to enjoy anything as I was too consumed by everything "wrong" with my life and the vices of social media.

I've drafted the post for now because in hindsight of this whole situation it was quite ironic, but the last post before my unplanned hiatus was about how I wanted to change my life in a year (a la #tryingchange). I'm still very much behind this, but right now I'm in the process of getting my mental health back on track, and that's my main priority for the time being.

Right now I'm focussing on 5 things that I'm trying to implement daily:
‣ Gratitude
‣ Journaling
‣ Mood tracking
‣ Meditation
‣ Doing something that I enjoy

I plan to elaborate on these things in future blog posts, but I'm going to take things slow, figure myself out, and bring you along on the journey with me.


What On My Desk?

18:00

Since moving, I've become pretty proud of my little desk/vanity table; I normally overcrowd desks with different products and tools that it just becomes messy, but I've managed to limit the things that are out to the products that I actually use.

I'm a simple kind of girl, I don't have much of a skincare routine as my skin has never needed it. In the past when I have tried to take advantage of skin care it has caused me more trouble than good, so I'm a big advocate for less is more. Then again, I've never had really bad skin so I can't really speak for the other side of the argument. I'm a splash-water-on-my-face kinda girl, sue me!


1. My tools: Here are my collection of makeup brushes, tweezers, nail files and scissors. The brushes in particular right now could probably do with a clean, but we'll get to that when we get to that.

2. Nivea Soft Moisturising Cream: This is one of the only moisturisers that doesn't dry out my skin, and funnily enough, I use it when my skin is feeling especially dry. It's an absolutely huge tub that I've only just started so it will definitely be lasting me a long time.

3. Lush 9-5 Cleansing Lotion: I absolutely hate walking past the lush store because it makes me feel sick, but I've always been mega curious about their products because everyone and their mum is always raving about them. This was one of the first products in their range that I bought (online may I add) and I absolutely love it - it's a cleansing lotion that I personally use to properly take off my makeup. I'll use a makeup wipe to start off with and then I use a cotton pad and a little bit of this lotion to go over my face. It's amazing and quite disgusting what's actually left over after you've supposedly already taken your makeup off. I'll be honest though, I only do this when I can be bothered - #relatable.

4. Tangle Teaser: Two disclaimers to start off with, 1. I was gonna edit out the hair that I forgot to take out of the brush before taking the picture, but then I thought fuck it, this is real life, and nobody's life is picture perfect. 2. Obviously, this is only a cheap version of the official tangle teaser, because your girl only really wants to pay £1 for one, let's be honest. Now, I've found that my hair tends to be a big lump of mess in general unless I reaaaally take the time to brush it. More often than not I just throw it up or let it be messy because I really dig that look. I do think the "tangle teaser" is a nice soft way of brushing your hair though.

5. Woolworths Select Daily Balance Moisturiser: Again, like with the Nivea Soft Moisturising Cream, this is one of the only products that I've loved using on my dry skin - this includes their cleanser as well which is in another cupboard in my room. Unfortunately for me though, I got it in Australia and it's not in production anymore either - my parents went on holiday there at the beginning of the year and found that out whilst trying to get me some more.

6. Sure Anti-Perspirant: I don't have a specific brand that I go for here, I just pick the cheapest at the time of purchase.

7. Asda Dry Shampoo: I've gone through a range of dry shampoos from cheap to expensive and I prefer the cheap ones. Batiste is a popular brand but it's pricier for a big bottle, (Are they bottles? Are they cans? Who can answer one of life's most confusing questions?) and I personally find that it makes my hair look white no matter how I use it. I can get a big bottle of the stuff real cheap in a supermarket own brand or other cheaper brands and I love them.

8. L'Oréal Kids Tangle Tamer: As I said before, my hair can get into a congealed mess (lovely) and a few months back I discovered an old bottle of kids tangle tamer than I used to use and I found basically the same thing when that ran out. My god, it's good, and it smells amazing! Why buy an expensive "adult" de-tangling lotion with outrageous prices when you can get the same thing for cheaper because it happens to say "kids" on the packaging - we've all got hair, so there's no difference, and if anything, it might even be a little safer and good for sensitivity.

9. Peach Perfume: I've actually got no idea why this is here to be fair, I use it every now and then, but I'm not a perfume person - it smells pretty good though.

10. Younique Setting Spray: This. Is. Life. I never used setting spray before this one but it lasts all day, and I use it for at least 3 different purposes: setting my makeup (obv), priming my face and wetting my beauty blender. You don't need much of the product at all and it's a huge bottle so it's gonna last you a long time - I probably use a little too much than is needed though, but that's my problem.

This is pretty much everything I use on an almost daily basis; as you can see I'm pretty low maintenance and can get ready in 5 or 10 minutes if needed. Ain't nobody getting me up 3 hours early just to get ready.

Have you used any of these products? What do you have out on your desk or vanity?

MAY 2018: Goals and Intentions

18:00

Thought you got rid of me for a little while, didn't you? Well, it's a brand new month and even though BEDA is over I've got a brand new set of goals and intentions to smash for May, and I plan on sticking to them.

















Let's talk about April to start off with: In April I moved away from home; this was something that I just kept putting off and putting off because I was scared of the change. I honestly don't understand (and nobody else did) why this was an issue, I moved away to the other side of the world for two years for goodness sake, but it definitely was an issue that I needed to overcome again. Suddenly one day I decided I just needed to leave, and if I didn't do it now I would be forever in this rut - so I left.

I became a lot more present in April; trying to focus on what I was doing on that day rather than dwelling on the past or thinking forward to the future. I became more blog orientated, more organised and tidy in my life (and my room), I started meditating every day to clear my mind (I'm currently on day 21), and I've got a better idea of how I want to progress. I haven't got everything figured out by a long shot, but I'm getting there.

In May I want to continue what I started in April as well as sharpening my focus on my goals and intentions. I have this habit of overstretching my goals, so I have limited myself to 5 in order to really focus on each and every one of them:

• Catch up on my reading goal: I'm trying not to focus on the numbers too much this year, but I know I have been slacking with my reading and I'm challenging myself to read for at least 30 minutes each day.
• Post a blog (at least) twice a week: It's not quite every day like in April, but I want to create more quality content on the regular.
• Stick to my daily habits: Meditation, reading, writing, gratitude and learning.
• Don't check my phone as often: I'm not saying I'm not gonna ever check my phone, I just want to cut down.
• Post a YouTube come back video: I've been away from YouTube for so long and I've missed it so much that I need to really make the effort to get back into it.

I feel as though my year only really started happening for me in April, so here's to May, and pushing forward ever nearer to our goals and dreams. What's one goal you've got for yourself this month?

BEDA Wrap Up

18:00


It's the end of April, and therefore the end of blogging every day...well...almost every day because I missed yesterday, but you know what? I'm not as bothered as I thought I'd be. If I let missing one day affect my achievement for the whole month then that would just be ridiculous. I've done 29 blog posts in the whole of the month, and coming from someone who would sporadically post whenever I felt like it, that's a big deal. 

Coming up with new content every day is hard I tell you - I applaud all those fantastic bloggers that do it on the regular because it's something that I really couldn't do for a long period of time (a month was enough for me). However, on the flip side, when you do think of new ideas, it can often lead to more new ideas - it's like a cycle of ideas, that once you start you could potentially keep going for a long time. I know that sounds contradictory to what I initially said but let me explain. I've discovered over this past month that I'm very much a mood writer; I will only write what feels good to me at the time despite having a plethora of ideas listed down somewhere. I could have a million and one ideas and not want to write any of them at any given time, so that's where the content creation part became difficult.

I'll tell you something, my perfectionism was really tested to the limits this month as for the most part I wasn't 100% happy with everything I was putting out. Not that my content was rubbish, but I've got this little voice inside of my head that tells me things aren't good enough or aren't at the standard I want them to be. This voice is the biggest bullshitter ever, but it's still in the back of my mind, so for me to do a months worth of content just for the sake of content was a massive shift in mindset for me. I was creating to be creative, and to be quite honest, there's no such thing as perfect anyways - if I always strove for perfection in every single blog post then I probably wouldn't post much at all (hence the lack of posts pre-beda). It's helped me realise my potential if I just put myself out there and go for it. Get a post together, make it work, make it happen - you can only get better with practice, but you need to just start!

One massive thing in particular that I have discovered is a motivation and drive within myself. For the past few months, I've been on a massive downer and my anxiety was at an all-time high, this affected my motivation so much. Having this project to focus on gave me a purpose to get up in the morning, a purpose to get up early to smash out a blog post for the evening because I knew I wouldn't have time otherwise. All through the month of April, I was constantly thinking about my blog whether that be new ideas or planning my day around when I could get something written up - it pretty much became my life. 

Although I don't think I'll be writing daily posts any time soon, it has really sparked something within me to carry on - I know I can do this and I get so much enjoyment out of it. I've genuinely loved seeing my blog so full, and it's really established a sense of pride in myself and my work that I haven't felt in a long time - I definitely want that feeling to carry on. I'm proud of myself for sticking to it (all bar one day, I forgive myself) and know that I can do whatever I set my mind to. It's the end of BEDA but it's the start of a new chapter of my blog.

Playlist Spotlight: Deep Focus

18:00


I listen to music almost religiously; all day every day no matter what I'm doing - in the shower, walking to work, tidying my room, in the car, scrolling the internet, playing games, anything! Anything other than working, however; and when I say working, I mean writing my blog, or figuring out my business. 

It's especially when writing my blog that I can't concentrate with music; writing and listening to lyrics (or words) has never worked for me, and I've never been able to fully commit to it without getting distracted. However, a few months back I watched a video on YouTube (I can't for the life of me remember who made it) and they suggested a "Deep Focus" Spotify playlist to work with and it worked WONDERS.

The playlist has rock/pop/alt vibes with lyric-less repetitive sounds - it's almost relaxing. The repetitiveness of the music almost makes you forget that you're actually listening to music, you kind of tune out to it and this is perfect. Ever since I found this playlist it's been a saved favourite, and I'm even writing this blog to it right now. If you have trouble concentrating with music then I'd highly recommend giving this playlist a listen.

Tips On Starting A New Job

18:00


I started a new job on Wednesday and it occurred to me that starting a new job can be scarily daunting for some people - don't get me wrong, I was scared shitless (for some reason) before I stepped through the doors officially for the first time, but more often than not, these worries that we have are all in our heads.

I've made a list of a few tips that will get you off to a good start in any job, and probably put you in a good light with your employer too:

‣ Ask lots of questions
Don't be afraid to ask questions and get people to repeat themselves if you're not sure - you are not annoying anyone I can assure you. The more you ask, the more you'll know, and the quicker you'll know it. I'd much rather someone ask me a million questions than go around not knowing what they're doing messing everything up - you don't learn if you don't ask.

‣ Shadow as much as you can
Whenever there's a chance to watch what somebody's doing then I'd take that up - don't wait until you need to do it until you see how it's meant to be done. There's no point winging it when you can see what someones doing first hand. For example, I've been watching my colleagues booking in large parties into the restaurant and finding out what kind of questions they ask, how they book it in, what procedure they use, etc.

‣ Introduce yourself
Don't be a wallflower; introduce yourself to every new person you meet. This is a simple icebreaker that often improves your confidence early on if you're able to do that. I know this may be a really daunting tip for the more introverted types, but I'm a big believer of "fake it till you make it" in the way that if you act confident you will soon become more confident.

‣ Arrive early
For the love of God, don't be late to your first shift! If anything, be 5 or 10 minutes early so you have time to settle in and talk to your manager or senior colleague if necessary.

‣ Be yourself
This is probably the most important thing and the most self-explanatory. The more yourself you are, the more at ease you will be; act as though you've known everyone your entire life (this goes along with the fake it until you make it thing too). I'm not saying tell everyone your deepest darkest secrets straight away, but show your personality off. 

I'm aware that some of these are a lot easier said than done for some people; I used to be the kind of person that would be observant in a new job then come out of my shell when I've got comfortable and got to know everyone a lot better - there's absolutely nothing wrong with this either. These are just my personal tips for starting a new job.

What are your tips?